Potty Training vs. Cover 2: The SJ parenting wars

My wife and I are expecting our first, which means we're hyper-alert to parenting issues. And I'm starting to get the punching urge.

No. 1 on my list are parents who don't have their kids in child seats or buckled in at all.

 

Oh absolutely. My wife calls police every time she sees this, and then follows the people until the police arrive. Nearly got me into a fist fight once or a dozen times.

 

Part of what makes me cranky is that when I express my disgust at parenting behavior like this, it gets dismissed as "oh, you don't have kids, you don't know what it's like" or "you must hate children, that's why you don't have any." And not just on this board, but out in the world as well. That's almost as frustrating as being annoyed in the first place.

 

Recently, we had friends stay with us and they brought their young son. Despite not having any children, we were shocked by how they let him run wild. And, as my wife pointed out, neither of them had The Tone.

In fact, when the kid was throwing a major tantrum at a restaurant, his dad looked at me and said "You'll be dealing with this in a couple of years." I wanted to say "No, no we won't. Not every 2-year-old acts like that."

 

Yeah. I should have clarified that. Obviously decisions like that, and like Write said above about letting a child loose in the neighborhood, deserve judgment. I was talking more along the lines of education decisions (advance tracks, etc) and something like letting your kid wear Velcro shoes because he doesn't yet know how to tie the laces.

 

Don't you see, Cadet? Parents/guardians like that don't want to hear from anyone about how to raise their children. You think they're going to listen to me, just because I have a kid? Nope. I learned this the hard way. I once did this with a neighbor at an apartment complex - one parent to another - and it bit me in the ass in a big way.

My wife and I would love if the little, 6-year-old psychotic's parents/grandma would come over and ask why we don't let him play with our daughter - we don't pull any punches - but it's not going to happen. They don't even know where he is half the time.

 

Cadet, I understand your point. To me, those other situations you mentioned are also parents. Perhaps including my personal story clouded that point a bit.

I think all parents have a moment or moments of connection with the child they care for. Mine was in the operating room with my wife and daughter, but I'm sure the other types of parents you mentioned have theirs as well.

 

My own observations on parenting are (thankfully) not from my own experiences. (Thankfully meaning that I'm 22 and I, in no way, shape or form, want kids yet. I have other priorities in my life before children, which will come in its own time.) My ideas on parenting come from how I was raised and what I've done compared with how my cousins were raised and what they've done. They are a little older than me (they're my mother's older brother's kids) but we were raised in similar households with the same sorts of values. Aside from the fact that we were raised 500 miles away, the environments were quite similar.

However, when it came to my cousins, their mother was a firm believer in Time Out (which was a JOKE in my house) and never really spanked her kids. I knew if I did something wrong, I was going to get swatted. I think this is at least partially the reason why my cousins have never really set much store for the rules. Between the two of them, they got suspended from school several times (at least one apiece for drinking-related violations), both have racked up a few DUIs and both live within five miles of their parents. One of my cousins bounced around four different universities before finally being able to stop partying long enough to go to class and get her degree. The other went to trade school and got his degree and now runs the family farm.

And I'm not going to say I was perfect or anything. However, I was very rules-oriented as a little kid and more interested in trying to make something of myself (which is why I spent a great part of my childhood with my nose in a book, something my cousins always made fun of me for) rather than trying to go around and get in trouble and push the boundaries as much as I possibly could. When I decided four years ago to go to K-State and major in journalism, my cousin (who had previously flunked out of K-State after a semester) was the first person to tell me that I'd never make it and I was going to live in Kansas forever. (Such support I got! Plus, one can see why I had a small conniption when she tried to beg out of my graduation ceremony. It was one of those...Did you graduate from K-State? No? You will be there in the front row, k?)

I know part of it comes from being the baby of the family but sometimes I wonder if maybe had some boundaries been set for them, maybe they would have branched out, moved farther away from home and done something better than what that town has to offer.

Trust me, my dad moved me 1,700 miles into my first real apartment (I lived in a house with four other people last year but this one is my own) a few months ago. I've never seen him cry so hard when he left. My mom told me he thought when he moved me out here that he would never see me again and that I'd never want to come visit.

You know you've done something right as a parent when your kid tries to clear THEIR schedule so they can visit you or you can visit them, no matter what it takes. I can't wait until I can see my parents again. It makes me sad to know of all the times I could have hugged them and said, "I love you" to their face that I didn't. Now I just have to settle with doing it over the phone.

 

out - i think loving a child isn't a complex concept, although i will admit i think it's much easier to give unconditional love to your own offspring.

 

It isn't a complex concept at all. But for me at least, I understood the feelings of a parent for a child much better once I became a parent.

 

and i was trying to agree with you without drawing the ire of the board.