Potty Training vs. Cover 2: The SJ parenting wars

Agreed, but does that also mean you shouldn't be able to voice your opinion on issues related to child psychology?

 

Cadet, thank you for acknowledging that the smugness and animosity comes from both sides of the discussion. I'm not going to defend my behavior in previous discussions. Some of it was out of line. Some was absolutely justified.

I think what some of the non-parents either don't understand or simply don't consider in these debates is that these discussions are far more personal for those of us who do have children. For most of us, this isn't philosophy. It is the single most important thing in our lives.

I understand that we were all children and many of the non-parents have experience with children. But until you have a child, you will never understand quite what that little person means to a parent. I'm sorry. You just won't. I had parents. I had nieces and nephews. I had spent a great deal of time around children before I became a parent. I still wasn't prepared for what my daughter means to me.

My little one was born by C-section. I was irrationally afraid of the whole process. I just had this nightmare that I would lose my wife and be on my own with this child and completely lost. Even when they put my baby in my arms, I was still torn between joy and fear. They still had to close my wife up, which they were doing as the anesthesiologist took the first picture of our family as a trio. I didn't really feel any better until they wheeled the two of them into our room later that night.

But before that, the nurse came to take my daughter from me to clean her up a bit and whatever else they had to do. My first reaction was to turn and hold her closer to me. I didn't want to let her go for a second. My instinct was to protect her from everything and everyone. She couldn't have been safer, but the instinct was still there. It was only about a second, but that moment is still with me nearly five years later.

I'm sorry if anybody feels that I am unfairly dismissing their opinions or feelings, but if you haven't had that moment, I'm not sure you can fully understand how hurtful it is when others slam the parenting choices you have made.

Tell me I'm clueless about baseball, particularly the finances of the game. Tell me I can't write worth a damn. Tell me Pittsburgh sucks and all Steelers fans are morons.

But don't try to tell me I'm a lousy parent. I know I've made mistakes with my daughter. All parents make mistakes. But tell me I'm doing horrible things and scarring my child for life? I'm just not going to be rational about that one.

 

I think parents sometimes use the strollers for the same reason they use those ridiculous leashes. It helps them to control the child.

I clearly remember how much more of a challenge walking around the mall became about the time we stopped using ours.

 

That's absolutely what they do. Yet it's so much more fun to let them walk around a bit and then carry them and show them stuff they're not going to see at knee cap view.

 

OOP, I am going to call you out on one point: There are many people who are raising children even if they didn't watch their genetic offspring come out of their lawfully wedded wife. There are grandparents and relatives raising children, there are adoptive parents and foster parents and gay non-biological parents and as many other permutations as you can think of. That's why my posts reference those "raising children" who have "chosen to parent."

 

Oh, no. I'm not sure you shouldn't be able to voice your opinion on anything - your knowledge about the subject will shine through in the opinion, and give it weight.
With that said, here's another issue that seems to come up a lot with parenting issues - that there's one right way to do something. I think some of the tension arises when generalizations are made, whether they're based on research or masses of anecdotal evidence. What's good for one kid is not necessarily good for another, and one parent's style shouldn't necessarily adopted by another.
I guess that mostly applies to behavioral approaches, which connects back to child psychology.
Clearly, there are general no-nos. IE, don't smoke in a car with your kid or starve him/her. Don't let your kid ride unsecure in the backseat of a car. That all falls under the safety and wellness umbrella.
But when you start getting into learning speed, education, activities, what and how you encourage your kids to do, that's when the giant child rearing road map emerges, and it's got so, so many folds.

 

I agree there's lots of ways to do this. Philosophy plays a big role in that.

The only time I get judgmental - as shown on this thread - is when parents are obviously lazy or selfish.

My friends have much different ways of raising their kids, but we share them without judgment, sometimes picking up and discarding methods like you would at the buffet.

 

That seems very level headed. The one thing I can't stand are parents being judgmental of other parents, and in the process other parents' kids.

 

Sorry, but if you're a parent and you bring your infant child to an R-rated movie, I reserve every right to question your decision to procreate.

 

Oh, I have my moments. For instance, there's another 6-year-old whose parents go to work and drop him off at grandma's house next door. Grandma's version of watching the kid is letting him loose on the neighborhood. He rang my doorbell 24 times today to invite himself inside my home. Good thing I don't have a preference for young boys.

 

Umm, I think that that falls within the "when parents are lazy" disqualification.