Post a Joke

That's a man, baby.

 

Yeah, she's pretty hideous.

 

Physically and personality-wise.

 

Definitely--her personality only makes her more repugnant.

 

Artie Lange on A-Rod wanting to be more like Babe Ruth:
"Before a playoff game, A-Rod went to a hospital and told a dying kid that he'd ground out to second for him."

 

I post this one every time.....Maybe some noobs will enjoy it.

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the
CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. He's a national hero. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

 

The joke that opened my eyes to my wife's sadistic head.
Not for the faint of heart...



High school senior boy decides he can't wait any longer to lose his virginity. So he stumbles into the local brothel. There is one woman sitting there and the madame. The madame tells the boy that other women will be available soon and he should wait. The boy, very excited about finally losing his virginity, says he doesn't want to wait, he'll take that woman sitting there. The madame tells him to wait and choose from all the women, so he does.

Thirty minutes goes by and still no other women. The boy tells the madame, "I don't want to wait any longer. I want that girl." The madame replies back, "just wait a little longer. I promise you won't be dissapointed."

Another thirty minutes goes by and still no other women. The boy has had it and tells the madame he wants the girl that has been sitting there the whole time. He refuses to wait any longer. The madame agrees and the two go up to a room.

They start having sex and the boy winces in pain. He asks the girl, "Is it suppose to hurt like this? I thought it was only painful for girls the first time." The woman apologizes and says she'll be right back. She runs to the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later. They start having sex again and the boy is amazed at how wonderful it feels. He says to the woman, "wow...this is amazing. What did you do?"

The woman replies, "Oh, just picked all my herpes scabs off."

 

*BARF* :-X

 

I'm hungry.

 

It's never good to eat just before going to bed.

 

Now someone tells me. ...

 

That's what I get for having a retired RN for a father.