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Post a Joke

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by JakeandElwood, Jun 27, 2008.

  1. SoCalDude

    SoCalDude Active Member

    My kid loved this one, from "2-1/2 Men"
    If women with large breasts work at Hooters, where do one-legged women work?












    IHOP
     
  2. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

    "Because they hop."
     
  3. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

    What's a frog's favorite drink?



    Croak-a-Cola.
     
  4. Care Bear

    Care Bear Guest

    From George Carlin:
    "What's the good news about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."
    "If the most popular pencil is the #2, why is it still the #2?"
    "Why do they package croutons in a plastic seal bag? It's just stale bread, anyway."
     
  5. Corky Ramirez up on 94th St.

    Corky Ramirez up on 94th St. Well-Known Member

    A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.
    They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
    The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
    She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off ... After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
    And then the guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the second shelf."
     
  6. Matt1735

    Matt1735 Well-Known Member

    George was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were gathered at the windows shouting,

    ''13....13....13 -- 13''


    The fence was too high to see over, but George saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

    Some bastard poked him in the eye with a stick.



    Then they all started shouting, ''14....14....14...14''
     
  7. ScribePharisee

    ScribePharisee New Member

    Insert your own "group" whether aggies, your rival college team fan or alum, neocons, liberals, TV celebrities, fat people, skinny people, whatever..)

    Two _______ were planning a hunt at the start of dove season. A friend told them, "I've got a bird dog I've been training and haven't had the time to really hunt yet. Why don't you guys take him this weekend and I'll come up Sunday to check up on him?"

    The _______ did. Sunday came and the dog's owner drove up to their cabin. As he approached it, out front he saw some seriously mangled beast, bloodied, broken. Curious, he walked up to check it out when just as he got to it, the two ____________ came out of the cabin and in a frustrated tone, one said to the other, "We're going to throw that damn dog up one more time and by damn, if he doesn't fly, I'm going to shoot the son of a bitch anyway."
     
  8. RossLT

    RossLT Guest

    Holy shit, that one did it. Funny shit
     
  9. MTM

    MTM Well-Known Member

    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    It doesn't matter, he can't come anyway.
     
  10. A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an
    extraction.

    "$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentists reply.

    "Och huv ye no got anything cheaper", replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

    "But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist.

    "What about if you didn't use any anesthetic?", asked the Scotsman hopefully.

    "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70", said the dentist.

    "Hmmmm, what about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still without anesthetic", said the Scotsman,

    "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40", said the dentist.

    "Och that's still a bit much, how about if you make it a training session and have your student do the extraction and the other students watching and learning", said the Scotsman hopefully.

    "Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case", said the dentist.

    "Wonderful, it's a deal" said the Scotsman..."Can you book the wife in for next Tuesday?"
     
  11. BigSleeper

    BigSleeper Active Member

    These is pretty stock, but any shot at the Buckeyes is OK by me:

    Q: How do you get an Ohio State Graduate off your front porch?
    A: Pay him for the pizza.

    Two Ohio State football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"

    Q: Why is ice no longer available at Ohio State football games?
    A: Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated

    Q: What are the three longest years of a Ohio State football player's life?
    A: His freshman year
     
  12. tonysoprano

    tonysoprano Member

    Having a logical conversation with a liberal.
     
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