PLEASE !! -- NO MORE PC HALLOWEENS

I DON'T KNOW!

 

LOUD NOISES!

 

IT'S HALLOWEEN

 

15 days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...15 days till Halloween, Sil-ver Sham-rock.
I think my parents letme watch way too many horror movies as a kid.

As for the topic, it makes me glad I grew up in the 80s. We were the last generation that was able to trick-or-treat without an armed escort. Back then, there were one or two families in the neighborhood who didn't do Halloween. One was a Jehovah's Witness family that left for the night and blacked out the entire house. You couldn't even tell it was there. The other was the nutty Christian lady who'd either lecture those demon-worshiping 10-year-olds about the "evils" of Halloween or just fuss at you for knocking on her door because the porch light sorta looked like it was on.
We called those two families freaks.
Now they're loud freaks who for some reason people are afraid to call loud freaks. This is a holiday for kids, let them enjoy it. I guarantee that no trick-or-treaters even think about the origins of the holiday, nor do they care. All they want is a freaking Kit Kat, no pennies in their pillowcase and none of those god-awful Mary Janes or mysterious black and orange gobs of caramel or whatever the hell they are.
This gets me worked up.

 

IT"S TRYING TO SCARE YOU! IT"S HALLOWEEN!

 

IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN!

 

Who cares if all the candy is sold out? As long as my kids can buy toilet paper, eggs and bars of soap, our family is all set for the big nights.

Speaking of which, how prevalent is Devil's Night in your part of the world? It seems to be on a bit of a decline around here in recent years.

 

Bit of a decline? In my neck of the woods, hardly anything is celebrated. The most Halloween action is at the novelty gift shop/Hot Topic in the mall. At Christmas, you'd hardly know it. I was the only one on the block to put up lights. But, of course, if you're in the 'burbs like me, they're mostly run by "homeowners associations" that don't allow too much holiday decoration for fear of it being gaudy. The only reason I know it's after August is that all the Christmas decorations are out before Halloween, but nobody's buying them.

It's all a crock.

 

Here in Massachusetts, birthplace of American witchery, Halloween is big, big, big. Too big for children, in fact. I have neighbors whose homes are already festooned with orange and black decorations, skeletons, etc. whose children are already in graduate school. It's second only to Christmas.
I hope everyone who complains about the Satanic aspects of Halloween awakens on Nov. 1 to find their car windshield covered with frozen egg. Then, come December, I root for BOTH sides of the "public religious display" arguments to get visits from Marley's ghost.

 

I'm thinking of doing one of those hell houses -- the ones where fundamentalist Christians try to scare the shit of out sinners.

Only I want to do a SportsJournalists.com-themed hell house.

Any ideas?

One I had was the Seventh Circle Of Charlie Brown, where you are doomed to repeat banal got-stale-real-quick Charlie Brown phrases for all eternity. I give the Ryan Sonner thread five days before it opens its own hellish wing.

Another? Dating with DyePack!

 

A never-ending grammar and spelling contest with COCKDIAN and busdriver in which you always lose.

 

How 'bout an interactive thing? Bend Over For Boots! Salve not included.