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Please analyze

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by ezduzit, Mar 5, 2007.

  1. friend of the friendless

    friend of the friendless Active Member

    Mr It,

    "Thing" in second graf ... just wrong.

    So he has a rep as injury prone, a history of injuries, whatever ... I'd try to start with his confidence (or lack thereof) with prospect of a recurring problem. You try to establish that this is a tag he must overcome --- I think it would be a little more interesting if we start with the first person he has to convince ... himself.

    And we don't hear from your subject for a hellishly long time.

    You back into the story and bury the voice -- I'd want to hear from him in graf 4,

    YHS, etc
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