Planning your funeral

I've told my wife and all my kids that the only thing I really want at my funeral is for the Grateful Dead's a capella "And We Bid You Goodnight," to play as they're wheeling my casket toward the door. Anything else is up to them.

 

Already told them, cremate, throw in the water and no notices. Why spend money for a useless money grab by others. My grandparents spent money every month for 17 years on Masses after my Mom died until they did. When Dad passed, he wanted cremation but the eldest of his kids said that wasn't going to fly with his elders. Was right, it didn't. Between hospice and nursing home care co-pay for over 3 years, it cost us thousands after the available pensions and savings that he had was depleted, only to pay thousands at his end. The kicker was when he was buried next to Mom in the family plot, the cemetery wanted $825.00 to etch 2011 into his gravestone. The way I look at it, when I go... if you hear about... hopefully you'll have remembrance, laugh and silently when having a drink... say goodbye

 

I thought that way, too. Until I actually put pen to paper. I always said I didn't care, until it was time to make the decision.

 

On the Cheap.
I think funerals are ridiculously and unneedlessly expensive.
I have told me wife to do the cheapest thing possible.
Cremation. No stone or marker. Scatter my ashes somewhere. Or not.

My folks spent about $10K on my brothers funeral..

 

When my dad died, the funeral director tried to upsell us on a nicer casket. His pitch was that the modest steel one we were looking at might only last 15 or 20 years before rusting.
Unless we're planning to dig up Zombie Dad, that's plenty. We went with the cheaper casket.
I think Dad would've been proud. He always mentioned how he liked the "All In the Family" bit where Archie Bunker is cringing over the price of a funeral, and asks the guy about a casket, "Do you have anything used?"

 

I've thought it might be cool to be cremated and divide my ashes among my wife and two sisters. Then, along with the ashes, give them three or four specific places to scatter them -- places that were memorable to me, that they can visit and share. I get to spend eternity in a few places special to my heart, they get to see what made them interesting to me and we get to take one last trip "together."
Might be a bit selfish, but it's an idea I keep coming back to if I get to choose.

 

How has this scene from The Wire not been mentioned yet?

 

I wonder if we're starting to see a pushback against traditional funerals, either because of cost or lack of desire. Neither of my grandparents don't intend to have a funeral, per se, but a smaller ceremony when their ashes are interred in the wall of their church. It's an awful lot of pomp and circumstance, and it forces a sense of formality (dressing up, being at a church or funeral home, dirges) onto relationships that almost always are much more personal and casual.

It's deeply ingrained in multiple cultures, so I don't think it's going to suddenly go away. And maybe as you get older, you're more inclined to want a lifetime appreciation more than you would in your 20s, 30s or even 40s. But it's a strain of thought I've noticed increasing.

 

My dad had a big part in planning his service when he realized the end was near a couple of months ago. He wanted a memorial service with lots of music and laughter, some story-telling and a short sermon, and we pretty much nailed it. The preacher went a little long, but he and Dad were friends, so that wasn't a big deal. I had a lot of folks tell me at the visitation after the service -- and for weeks afterward -- that it was one of the best funerals they had ever attended.

He and my mother were big fans of Southern gospel music, and he wanted that playing as folks were coming in for the service. So I found the songs and burned the CD, but I snuck in Eric Clapton's version of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

 

Not sure I'll want anything done. I'm the youngest in my family by more than 15 years with no spouses, children or anyone else except a great friends I don't deserve but try to appreciate as much as I can when I can.

Anyone trying to plan a service would call it a giant waste of electricity and food. Nobody likes my music, anyway.

On a more serious note, I strongly assume my parents have everything mapped out ... wouldn't be like them not to. Haven't said a thing to me, and I would be shocked if I hear or read anything about it before it's time. Not saying that to sound mean, cold or morbid, but because it's the way they've always gone about their lives. Probably won't change ... and their son wouldn't expect anything different.

 

As someone who often proofs and lays out obits, there's definitely more and more families opting for non-traditional funerals, such as:

* Ashes being scattered at a favorite (usually outdoorsy) site
* Having a party at a local establishment rather than a formal wake or viewing at a church/funeral home
* More and more, cremation is being accepted as an option -- even for church funerals

As for me ... like others have said, my wife/kids can do what they want. Personally, I think cemeteries are a waste of good land (and expensive) ... but I guess they provide a permanent resting place for a loved one, and that's comforting to some families. And it's certainly helpful to any future family genealogy buffs.

I guess I don't have the proverbial "obit written in my desk drawer" ... although I do have the jokey obit my coworkers typed up for me when I quit a previous job. Hell, just put that in the paper if something happens.