Plan ahead if you want a Starbucks fix tomorrow

What color are the uniforms at starbucks? I have this thing for women who wear tight black clothing and serve me things, so I was, you know, kinda hoping.

 

I avoid the place like it was selling used asscracks. MrsExpendable loves it, and is excited a drive-thru Starbucks is planned about two miles from the house on the way to her work.

 

So they're encouraging people to be driving, drinking coffee, talking on their cell phone and putting on makeup while reading the paper now.

 

Seems suspiciously close to 4:30, if you get my drift ...

 

A lot of the baristaettes I've seen wear black, which is one of the acceptable colors that go with the shamrock green aprons. Mercy lord, a hot girl in a ponytail, a black turtleneck and a Starbucks apron ... I'd commit acts of war for that.

 

Hey, at least they're reading the paper.

 

Now that's not fair. They'd also like you to buy a slice of pound cake or a blueberry muffin.

 

LIAR!

It's the only thing I like there. A peppermint hot chocolate is the nectar of the gods.

 

Did you have access to my taste buds, Miss IJAG?

I'll never forget it. I was taking in New York, walking through the scaffolding with a college class of mine, and a shit-load of my yuppie friends decided to get some coffee at Starbucks. I hate coffee. But I hate being alone more. So I buckled and went in when my girlfriend told me, "Oh, don't be a baby. They have hot chocolate, too." What she didn't tell me was that they melted the chocolate or use a very rich kind because I took one sip and had a tough time choking it down. I don't remember finishing the cup. It wasn't for me. I really prefer Dunkin' Donuts or Swiss Miss hot chocolate.

 

We're not going to talk on here about what I have access to, thank you very much.

 

You're right. I am a horse's ass.

Consider that rule noted.

 

Dunkin Donuts is in the middle of a major market revitalization here, quintupling their store count and renovating the older ones so they can sell the pizzas and coffees and Baskin-Robbins for those whose sweet tooth responds to fail instead of donuts. I've been to one of the new ones, and the "caramel latte" tasted like General Foods International Coffee. And the pizzas they had to sample reminded me of those singles deep-dish dealies you can get at Costco/Sam's Club.

And the donuts are like eight bucks a dozen! WTF, I can get Krispy Kreme for cheaper, I can get them hot, their coffee drinks are better, there's at least two known instances where the donuts have been used as burger buns, another one where they were used to make a wedding cake AND I can wear this if I'm a good boy and finish all my donuts:



So y'all've got a LONG way to go to earn my discretionary donut dollars, Dunkin damn Donuts.