Pistachio ice cream, WTF?

I've been craving some pistachio ice cream lately. I don't know why. I like it, but it's not my favorite. I probably hadn't even had it for at least 10 years until I decided to have scoop at Baskin Robbins a few weeks ago.

A few days later, in the mood for ice cream, I went to the store and, voila!, pistachio entered my brain. I looked through the cooler. Nothing. Oh ... they had stupid trendy shit like Double Cookie Dough Delight, Elderberry Cream Mocca, Czech Chocolate, Andorran Vanilla, and Ooey Gooey Jizz Explosion, but no cartons of straight-forward pistachio.

OK it was Kroger. Maybe pistachio is too uppity for the chain, though I've never considered pistachio to be anything but middle class all the way. Pistachio is intellectual enough to read National Geographic, but steers clear of The New Yorker. Pistachio reads the Sunday paper, but not the Sunday New York Times.

I think to myself, I'm lucky, though my city will never be confused with pretension, we are fortunate enough to have one of the greatest local gourmet grocers of all-time.

Those of you who know where I live, I'm dead serious. Our local grocery store would win the Pepsi Challenge against local grocers in the biggest cities in the world. I mean, I'm within walking distance 24 hours-a-day of Wisconsin-style cheese curds, waaaay beyond the hinterlands of the usual curd diaspora. My man's got to carry pistachio.

No dice. More of the same, including an ice cream in the colors of the local NFL team ... colors that don't translate to any edible ice cream any mortal knows of. Colors that are probably only acceptable if the Land Of Dairy Queen went all Road Warrior.

What gives, America? There was a time when pistachio was a staple of grocery coolers everywhere. Now it's been fucked in the ass by trendy flavors, Ben & Jerry's quarts, and overpriced Dove bars taking up its former cooler space.

Don't get me wrong, things need to evolve. You can't find ice milk in your local cooler either ... and that's a good thing. But pistachio did not need to bite the grocery store dust.

Apparently, it's gone the way of Lime Starburst, flavored Tootsie Rolls and regular beef burritos at Taco Bell.

RIP Grocery Store Pistachio. I will miss your green goodness.

 

Pistachio is nasty.

 

Pistachio and Banana: Two flavors of gelato in which, if you check their colors, you can tell whether the place you're at carries the real deal or not.

 

My local dollar store has bags of the flavored Tootsie Rolls. I believe the current assortment is cherry, orange, lemon, lime and vanilla.

Haven't seen pistachio ice cream in forever. Then again, there used to be licorice Popsicles, too, and I haven't seen those in ages.

 

Yeah, you see the flavored Tootsie Rolls come and go. Target used to carry them, but the last time I checked they were gone.

I'm still holding a candle for lime starburst to make a return. They were my favorite.

 

I have never understood the appeal of pistachio ice cream. Blah.

 

It's very popular here. I can't imagine why. The thought disgusts me.
My main concern is mistaking it for mint one day.

 

Confess, Bubb, you bought the Ooey Gooey Jizz Explosion. As for pistachio, I'd buy it if there were a version made with Splenda. And my neighborhood drug store has the flavored Tootsie Rolls.

 

For the love of god, why would anyone eat pistachio ice cream?