pearlman on sports writing

You would hope that on their readers' time most journalists would only rarely write about their careers. And since those instances would not be frequent, they'd be used to say something, oh, I don't know ... important. I'll admit, I grinned a few times and I'm a sucker for farts-in-the-face stories of all kinds*. But he should have just posted his column here and written for ESPN.com about someone his readers would actually be interested in.


* There was the time when a long-ago girlfriend was trying to persuade me to adopt a stray kitten she'd found, and she was ahead on the judges' scorecards when the little beast raised its little ass and --- pffft, right in my face, and it was the worst one I'd ever smelled in my life. And the GF knew about this problem ahead of time, as it turned out the kitty had a health problem of some sort, according to the people who DID adopt the cat. Who cares that the cat scored a direct hit on MY nostrils? Exactly.

 

This will NOT end well.

And Boom hasn't chimed in yet? I fear he may not be well himself.

 

Before Boom gets here....Did he list the time he came here under a fake name asking if anyone knew what Jeff Perlman (sic) was doing these days?

 

So Boom is Lugnuts? Good to know.

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1477612/

 

No, but we all know the same story. :

 

No, I really don't.

btw, I was initially being sarcastic ... Luggy's had some very intelligent posts.

 

I meant Luggy and Boom and a lot of others know the story. It was just a ridiculously dopey cry for attention.

 

Oh. Maybe someday I'll get up to speed.

 

I think instead of crapping on this because you don't like Pearlman, which many of you obviously do not, it would be more fun to compile your own similar lists.

Feb 4, 1996 -- Write a story about a star football player at my high school whose career was ended when a jealous teammate drove a helmet into his knee during a drill. (+100)

Feb 5, 1996 -- Jealous teammate, who is a big dumb hick, threatens to kill me as he walks his girlfriend to an civics class she and I share. (-250)

Jan 30, 1998 -- Write my first article for the college newspaper! (+10)

Jan 30, 1998 -- It's about bowling. It also has a topic lead. (-9)

Feb 18, 1998 -- I get to cover a fairly prestigious women's basketball program! Lots of long-legged, tall athletic goddesses with superior hand-eye coordination see me at the bars and wave hello! (+50)

Feb 18, 1998 -- Except the one I dated briefly freshman year and broke up with. (-25)

Feb 18, 1998 -- Because she had a lazy eye. (-75)

April 6, 1998 -- I make out with the arts editor at our journalism award banquet. She is a year older, way more sophisticated, and wears lip gloss that tastes like candy. (+1000)

April 7, 1998 -- I think this means we're dating. Instead, she pretends she does not remember my name in front of others for several weeks. (-500)

May 10, 1998 -- I am rejected for my first internship at a 30,000 cirq paper. There are only two applicants. The guy who got it instead of me had done some stringing for the paper, but was spending most of his days substitute teaching. (-500)

May 10, 1998 -- Did I mention he was a substitute gym teacher? (-300)

June to August, 1998 -- I spend the summer reading the classics. My father is furious I am able to live off of Ramen noodles, beer, ground beef and Cheez-Its I purchased with my semester of student newspaper salary. He feels I should doing something more productive with my life, like installing underground sprinklers or landscapping to earn an honest dollar. I disregard this lecture, Hemingway in hand, because it's coming from the mouth of a lawyer. (+550)

Sept 3, 1998 -- I'm the sports editor now! One of my best friends, and former roommates, intercepts a pass during a game I'm covering! (+100)

Sept 3, 1998 -- In a moment of weakness, I let out a small cheer. The SID balls up a piece of paper and drills me in the back of head. "No cheering in the press box!" he yells. (-4000)

Sept 3, 1998 -- On the bright side, I learned my lesson. I've never cheered in a press box since. (+5)

Nov 13, 1998 -- I shamelessly flirt with one of the girls on the volleyball team. (+10)

Nov 20, 1998 -- A one-night stand turns into a three-year relationship after I climb through her bedroom window at bar time because she has lost her keys and cannot open the front door. (+10,000)

Jan 21, 1999 -- A high school coach screams at me over the phone a day after I quote him saying "everyone who did not believe in us can kiss my ass, and I don't care who reads it" after his his team snaps a 28-game losing streak. (-100)

Feb 12, 1999 -- I interview for the same internship I failed to get last summer. This time, I get it! (+500)

Feb 13, 1999 -- I may have been the only applicant. (-25)

Feb through May, 1999 -- I write some marginal features I'm proud of at the time, but years later will read like someone is doing a bad Gary Smith parody. (-20)

Feb through May, 1999 -- Did I mention one of those features was in the second person? (-500)

June 7, 1999 -- A rookie league manager calls me a cocksucker for writing something less than flattering about one of his out-of-shape pitchers. He is standing in a jock strap and eating fried chicken when he says this. (-1,000)

August, 2000 -- My first major newspaper job in urban America! In my first few months on the job, I cover a double homicide, a beheading, and a 16-year-old girls suicide. (+/- 1,000. Take your pick.)

Nov 30, 2000 -- An NFL linebacker screams at me for standing too close to him after a tough loss while I'm trying to interview one of his teammates for a sidebar that will run on page 15. He is wearing an ostrich coat and an ascot. I don't know whether to burst into laughter or tears. (+50)

April 3, 2001 -- A friend of mine, who is also a reporter, gets asked out by one of the female athletes on the beat we both cover. She is 17. He turns radish red, and to this day, I tease him about it. I suggested he put her on his paper's all-county team just out of sheer boldness. (+300)

Nov 11, 2002 -- College coach calls me an "amazing idiot" for asking a dumb question in a packed press conference after a difficult loss. (-10)

Oct 4, 2003 -- College football player threatens to kick my ass after I write a feature on him that includes a reference to another team joking that he had a venereal disease. I think in the article it's obvious that it's a joke, but player doesn't see it that way. SID ask him, "What should I do? Demand they run a correction that says "He does not, in fact, have a venereal disease?" (+500)

Oct 4, 2003 -- The player I wrote about who threatened to kick my ass, btw, is the kicker. (-500)

Feb 2, 2004 -- NFL player in my city is arrested for involvement in a drug deal. All hands on deck. I am dispatched to his college hometown, and asked to knock on an address we have for an old girlfriend of his. It's snowing, I get lost, and I can't find the house until nearly 10 p.m. Her new boyfriend answers the door. He, and his neck tattoos, politely ask that I leave. (-5000)

 

This more than made up for Jeff's whining about the Shea press feed:
September 21, 2001 -- I am sitting in the outdoor auxiliary press box at Shea Stadium when Mike Piazza steps to the plate in the bottom of the eighth inning, with Desi Relaford on first and Atlanta leading 2-1. When Steve Karsay tries to sneak in a fastball, Piazza pounces -- BOOM! As the ball leaves the park, 41,235 fans lose their minds.
It is the first baseball game to be played in New York since 9/11, and I am blessed -- absolutely blessed -- to be covering it. (+1,000,000,000)

I enjoyed reading it, maybe because it reminded me there is still a lot of joy to be found in this biz. It was unique and far more interesting than those ripoffs of the Onion. And considering espn.com has what seems unlimited space, I doubt the readers were deprived. It's not as if the dot.com had to shove aside a column, or hold another for the next day.
(DD's version was brilliant, as usual, though I'm surprised there's no mention of a certain Olympic swimmer.)

 

Damn white guys, they get all the breaks

I understand readers don't care about our professional aggravations, but beyond the line about the press food, this wasn't one of those I-hate-my-job bitchfests. It was a lot of true anecdotes that maybe never made a complete article, but allowed the reader a glimpse behind the curtain. It's my experience a lot of them do want to know what goes on behind the scenes, as long as we don't whine about it.
At least Jeff actually went out and earned these experiences, as opposed to writing one-liners from the couch about games or people he only encountered from afar.

 

<i>April 14, 2003 -- In the process of conducting an interview, Brewers third baseman Wes Helms farts in my face. (-50)</i>


That's the risk you take when interviewing Wes Helms' ass.