Parents vs. spouses/significant others

I know who I side with in these battles, but it just seems neverending sometimes. I don't care who "wins," I just wish Mama Creosote and her daughters-in-law could find a way to get along.

Instead, there's a whole, heapin' helping of crazy served whenever we're all in the same place. I'm no prize either, and if I'm the voice of reason, you've got some serious problems. And it's really pretty simple: Mama C doesn't think anyone's good enough for her boys. Mrs. C doesn't like Mama C even though they're pretty much the exact same person (loudmouthed New Yorkers). Finding common ground shouldn't be hard.

Anyone else ever gone through something like this?

 

Tell them they should get along because they are both loud-mouthed New Yorkers. Then they will ally to turn against you and you will be happy miserable.

 

Have you simply told your mother politely but firmly, "look, Mrs. C and I love each other. Respect that and respect me. No amount of your dislike of her or any of your daughters-in-law is going to change that"?

Or something along those lines?

With your wife, you have to tell her, "Look, I know you don't like her, but she's my mother. For your part, I expect you to at least show her respect when you're around her."

 

If you're not experiencing this from one or both sides, you are very, very, very, very, very lucky.

I adore my in-laws. They are great people who have been welcoming and supportive through everything over the last decade or so. Unbelievable people...

My parents are another story. My dad is a colossal prick with whom I'm no longer on speaking terms. My stepmom is a vicious alcoholic and the only way to properly describe her is the one word we can't put on this board.

My mom is OK, but a handful. She means well, but it's a given that on any visit she's going to say at least 2-3 things that make you want to wring her neck.

That said, I have it a lot better than some of my friends and cousins who get it from both sides.

 

You're not married are you?

 

I've had those conversations. I've seen my friends and family members have that conversation. It doesn't work. It's unrealistic to tell someone to respect someone who isn't treating them with respect.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from my cousin who told me, "Don't ever side with your parents over your wife."

It's easier said than done, but it's great advice.

 

I am lucky in that there are no conflicts like that in either direction. I guess it comes back to southern mountain type folks being clannish, so it's all one big happy family.

My mother-in-law is crazy as a bedbug, but not in a bad kind of way. It's more of wife saying, "Dear Lord, listen to what mama's done now."

 

Side with your wife, you live with her. Don't be neutral. That's the real problem there.

Will Mama C be happy? Not at first, but eventually she'll leave you alone.

 

Switzerland doesn't work. If anything, it will piss both sides off more.

I had the conversation with my mom. "You cannot pull this shit. If you pull this shit, you will not be welcome in our home." That's where my mom finally began to listen.

This is particularly effective when grandkids are dangled.

 

This. Your mom will eventually come around (somewhat). I had that conversation with my mom shortly after I got married and after a couple tense months, she came around (mostly...).

If your wife thinks she married a momma's boy who cowers in fear of her and sides with her over his spouse, marriages have ended for less than that.

 

Have you thought about getting a reality show?

 

C,

What's the worst thing your mom has said or done to your wife?