Parenting

Waylon, bookmark this site ... http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

 

I don't care if my kids plays sports or not. My oldest has expressed some interest (basketball and golf (I'll be damned if they are going to play soccer!!!)), but he's only 6.
We are also looking at Scouts. He loves the outdoors and I want to continue fostering that interest.
I am also worried about starting an activity with him and then continuing it with the other two... In other words, having to run somewhere, with someone every night of the week and on weekends. I'm not sure I want to - or am willing - to make that kind of commitment to travel and time.
Growing up, we played outside - the benefits of having no cable TV, no video games and living in the country - a lot. I was allowed to play one sport per year.
Coming from a family of five, that was still a lot of travel and time for my parents, only one of which work.
Both me and my wife work full-time.
I take my kids to woods to walk. Fishing and hunting and biking too. Going to the beach next week to play in the waves.
In short, we play outside - a lot.



Of course I'm just a parent, what the hell do I know compared to the all those others with the answers and without kids.

 

I was going to post something about it ... Your kids can learn how to "fight" correctly by watching you. You know, that it is OK to have a disagreeement and reach a settlement, maybe even apologize.
As Ace said a disagreement in front your kids isn't always a bad thing.

 

Just a follow-up to Double J.

I have three sons, all of whom played hockey. All three approached it entirely differently with different results. As a parent, you need to know how to "read" your kids.

My eldest was driven to succeed. He wasn't happy with playing houseleague so he tried out for a AA team and played a couple of years for a AAA team. He went to goalie school every Saturday for 2 1/2 hours from the time he was nine until he was twelve. He went to summer goalie camps and loved every minute of it. He stopped playing when he was sixteen to focus on football, a decision which has turned out very well for him. I did, however,drop three grand on goalie equipment just before he "retired". He is still the one of the hardest working and most disciplined people I know.

Of the twins, the eldest was the most natural athlete of the three: was an effortless skater who could also play goal, defense, and forward. He had an amazing sense of the ice and angled off skaters as good as any kid I've seen. However, he didn't push himself, hated practicing but got by on natural talent. He played house league and select--the bottom of the elite grading of teams.

The younger twin was (and admits it) a crappy hockey player, never learned to skate properly but played house league until he was twelve because he liked hanging out with his friends.

If I had pushed the younger twin the way I pushed my eldest son everyone would have thought I was stark raving mad.

You don't know any of this ahead of time.

And when all three were playing, we were out five or six nights a week.

 

The "free range" is just as much of a pose as "helicopter." And it also ignores one legitimate reason helicopter parenting -- the knowledge that the system is rigged not in your kids' favor if you don't speak up, because others will and are.

Waylon, you don't need a parenting philosophy. Just get to know your kid, trust yourself, realize you will make mistakes, and let things happen from there. And ease up on the militant no-minivanism. You don't have to buy one, but you also don't have to draw a line between yourself and "those parents" who have one. I've found one of the best ways to realize my own stupidities as a parent is to criticize other people's parenting skills.

And Evil, as one who has three of four in activities (and one to come soon), it gets hectic, but you'll be amazed at how seamless you can make all that carting around. You need to plan, and you need to know other parents and/or relatives who can serve as backup drivers, with you offering your services for the same.

 

Never said they were worthless activities. Reading, I hear, is pretty important these days. Plenty of time for that and outside activities.

But my kid would NOT sit on his ass all day when they could be outside getting exercise and learning social skills. I don't care how happy it makes him to sit in his room and read, paint or play a musical instrument.

 

You need to clarify what you mean. Your first post makes it sound like you wouldn't let your kid spend anytime alone in his room participating in worthwhile activities. At all. Ever.

This post says you wouldn't let them to it "all day" -- a position I don't think anyone was advocating.

As with everything in life, there needs to be a balance. Kids need outside time. Kids need some chill out time in their rooms. And if they choose to spend that time doing something high-minded -- art, books, musical instruments -- all the better.

I'd rather them play actual guitar than Guitar Hero.

 

Of course there needs to be balance. What, you think I would forbid my kid to read? Come on.

Too many kids holed up in their rooms all day with very few social skills. My kid would not be one of them. That's all I'm saying.

Boy, people really get riled up when told how someone else would try to raise their kid. Relax, fellas. Not saying your way is wrong. Everyone's different.

 

That's what your first post seemed to indicate. One person thought you were just being sarcastic.

"Put down Dickens, you little pansy, and go play sports!"

Now that you've clarified your position, I doubt people are going to be quite so up in arms.

 

I'm at home with both my kids during the day. Both girls, ages 4 and 1.

It's never really crossed my mind what I want them to gravitate towards (though I jokingly have said I want them to grow up with golf clubs in their hands)

Truth is, my oldest really has developed quite an imigination and loves doing art projects. Finger paint, coloring, writing her own "books", puppet shows--you name it, she loves doing it.

That being said, she has also recently taken to my golf clubs and I think I'm going to go and get her one of those cheap plastic versions so we can bang some balls around in the yard.

My youngest loves to do anything the oldest does, sometimes to the oldest's chagrin.

My wife and I are on the same page with a lot of stuff as far as discipline, etc., but all you need to know about getting started with your parenting is to just be there for your kids. Show them you love them.

Like I love to tell my in laws, who are awful , values-deprived people (for the most part--not sure how my wife turned out so much differently) and think they can buy our kids' affection with every toy imaginable:
"My presence is much better than your presents"

Best of luck and enjoy the ride you are about to take.

 

I hope so.

And that said, would I encourage my kids to play sports? Hell yes I would because I grew up around sports and I think they can be a good influence on kids. People who grew up playing the violin would probably encourage their kid to play the violin, too, probably for the same reasons. No difference.

 

We would have had some awful fights if I was your kid. My parents did their best, but I always thought of outside time as punishment more than anything.