Parenting Thread

I was determined to far more involved in my son's life than my parents were in mine. They didn't give a shit what me and my brothers did in school or sports or whatever but my son, who is seven, has seen me at every one of his school functions and every parent-teacher night or interview. He asked me if I would help coach his t-ball team since he had so much fun with it last year and it's been fun.

My wife and I have really focused on education and we read to him every night (and have him read to us) and we check the stuff he brings home. He's a very good student (I was a terrible student, mainly because nobody was interested in giving me the kick in the ass I obviously needed) and again, I think it's because we're involved.

We've taught him to say please and thank you and he seems to do a good job remembering that. We take him with us to our favourite restaurant and he always gets kudos from the staff (who have been there for years) about how well behaved he is compared to some of the other kids they get in there.

I look at some of the kids I see there - and even some of the kids on his t-ball team and wonder where the parents' heads are at.

 

Rock solid, shock.

 

Our daughter is 21 months old. I find that my wife is too permissive and I can be too strict. We've tried to compromise on stuff and we usually do a decent job of being on the same page.

Both of us work (me full time at a fairly time consuming job, my wife 3-4 days per week at an increasingly stressful job), and that gives both of us a decent amount of guilt.

My daughter is very verbal and is big on saying no to things that she doesn't like, usually accompanied by the Dikembe index finger shake. So far, we haven't given in to her on things, because I don't want to raise a spoiled child. But I probably let her watch too much TV.

 

Ha. heard that in a movie not too long ago. Mrs Slydell and I are expecting our first in October. A boy!!!

I was in the ultrasound room and when we saw the "money shot" I let out a Thank God.

I agree you have to find a happy medium on how strict you are. I guess it dpends on how much maturity they show as they get older. But some of the kids with the strictest parents I grew up with were some of the biggest hell raisers.

I hope they love sports to play, we'll get him involved in about everything, except I will psuh peewee football instead of soccer. If he chooses soccer later, I would have failed as a parent, but I'll live with it. At least I've seen how parents are and how not to act.

I do have some srious nervous anticipation, but I'm excited as hell.

 

Congrats -- and I'll tell you this much --there is as much trial and error in parenting as in anything you will do. There are no hard and fast rules on what to do because, well, every kid is different.

I quickly found the same methods of discipline and/or motivation that worked with my first don't work with my second, so you just have to stick in there and do your best and you'll find your way.

 

Yeah, Bob. Stick and move. Stick and move.

And when they get old enough, keep 'em busy with sports or whatever. I know when I was bored as a teen and near teen, that's when bad stuff happened.

 

I only browsed through the posts, but any one here dealing with children with ADD or some other behavioral problem. I don't have kids now, by my wife's best friend is having a ton of issues with her 5-year-old son.

I've been around the kid a lot the past couple of months and the child definitely has anger issues as well. And he doesn't seem to understand the word no despite being told over and over again. Another example of some trouble he's gotten into is he's become a bully in PRE-KINDERGARTEN! That obviously can't be good for the future. He's been a problem at school, so much so that a social worker was assigned to talk with him. Of course the mother didn't find out till after the fact, but she had a hard time understanding why she wasn't made aware of the social worker's presence. To make matters worse, IMO, he has a younger brother who is 2 and an even younger brother who is about a year old. Obviously, this is some household.

The older brothers, obviously get into their share of trouble. But the 5-year-old has a problem understanding who is boss between the two. Example, instead of explaining to the 2-year-old how to share something, the 5-year-old throws a bit of a tantrum and starts crying. That just doesn't seem right to me and my wife feels the same way.

I got to say the parents are doing everything they can with him, but it seems hopeless at times. The mother refuses to get outside help, like a shrink specializing in child psychology. She claims her regular doctor told her the kid is on the high-end of normal, but I guarantee you, if you spend an hour with this kid, you wouldn't think that. There is something seriously wrong with this kid.

 

Not your problem, Will. I'd stay out unless your help is asked for.

Sometimes all a 5-year-old bully needs is a 6-year-old to punch him in the nose.

 

The shame of it all is children just don't come with their own personalized owner's manual. And parents, especially us first-timers, kind of do it hit or miss, as best as we can. However, in the case of the ADD, there's often so much love and protectiveness that you can sometimes be blind to what's obvious to everyone else. That can make it nearly impossible to get outside help, especially when it's needed.

 

Well, my wife has been asked for help, so I was just trying to find and give her some advice. Plus I happened to be there during one of the more dramatic incidents.

I just so happened to stop by the house recently to drop a couple of things off when chaos erupted. I was talking to the boy's mother in the kitchen while the two kids were out played in the yard. Now there is a window out to the yard where you can see what's going on.

Suddenly, we heard the 2-year-old crying, and the mother goes out to the yard and starts screaming. I rush out to find blood gushing from the head of the 2-year-old. Apparently the 5-year-old was swinging around a stick with some metal piece attached to the end of it and hit his brother just about sqaure in between the eyes.

When we brought 2-year-old into the kitchen, my heart dropped because it looked like his eye was taken out because the blood was pouring into his eye. Fortunately, it was a pretty deep cut right between the eyes, about a half inch long. So while I have a screaming kid on the floor, trying to calm him and stop the bleeding, the mother calls 911, yells at the 5-year-old, and tries to give him a spanking, but has other pressing needs.

Ambulance comes and by that time the bleeding is not so bad. They take the kid to the hospital, along with the mom, and I'm left there babysitting the 5-year-old and baby. Can't imagine what the scene would have been like had I not stopped by. Kid turned out to be all right, was stitched up by a plastic surgeon to reduce the scarring.

Now I know what some people are thinking, why wasn't the mom watching her kids. Well they were in the backyard, so you would like to think your kids are safe in that area. But this is the thing with the 5-year-old. He does things he knows he is not supposed to do, in this case, getting his hands on a stick that was in the gardening area on the side of the house. He had to reach over a mini fence to get it. The thing that really gets me is the kid goes unpunished. When I was that age and I did that to my younger bro or sis, my parents would have whooped me. I know people don't agree with that method, but my parents did. They would have whooped me and punished me, accident or not. He's a pretty smart 5-year-old and knew somewhat what he was doing. But this kid doesn't get punished. Instead he's allowed to play outside, be taken for some ice cream and to a ballgame while his brother suffers from a headache, bruised eye and spends most of a nice weekend day in bed.

 

I agree with that and I think that is the case in this situation. They really try hard with their kid, but it's a struggle. I mean the mother feels bad because the other parents don't talk to her because her son is the bully. And she's a housewife (husband is a VP of a company and makes 6 figures) so you know they are all about being social and doing other things with mothers like book clubs, etc. So I know it really hurts her when her child prevents her from being accepted, liked, etc.

 

Sounds pretty bad if the kid is deliberately hurting others.

Maybe your wife can ask around and find the name of good child psychiatrist or something and you all just say that maybe it would help. You sure don't want him putting his brother's eye out next time.