Parenting Thread

My cousin's idea of disciplining his young boys is to tell his wife, "Sandy, make them stop."

 

p.s. -- i'm soooo happy i have boys. as much as i adore my friends' daughters, that's a whole different set of worries.

 

Right. Instead of worrying about thousands of dicks, you only have to worry about one.

 

I'll preface this by saying that I am not a parent and that I realize I can't begin to know how hard it is.

That said, in watching my cousins raise their 3.5 year old hellion, I think being on the same page as your spouse and being consistent are key. My cousin and her husband have different parenting philosophies and because the husband is controlling, what he says goes. He has demonstrated to his child that what mommy says doesn't matter. There's no discipline or structure at home and my cousin, who has a demanding job that she does well in, cannot "handle" her kids (they have a 1 year old, too) and is petrified of being left alone with the kids - even for a short while. The older one is very smart and behaves well at her daycare because, I think, there's structure and she knows what's expected of her. It's very hard to watch.

 

My wife and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to parenting styles, though she's a bit more fretful than I am. But when it comes to things like discipline and overall philosophy, we're a pretty good match.

I agree with those who stress the importance of good manners. My wife grew up in the south, and one thing I know we're going to stress -- other than basic things like saying please and thank you and addressing elders as Mr. or Mrs. -- is that our kids will send out hand-written thank-you notes for any kind of gifts they receive. It's a simple thing that is quickly fading away...much like simple manners, unfortunately.

 

Just PM me your address so I can make sure my son doesn't try to date your daughter.

 

Let them develop their own interests. Let them cultivate your interest for new things, too. If my kid ain't into the same kind of shit I am, I'm not going to force it.

 

Here's the best advice I can give you -- once your child reaches the age where he is starting school and getting involved in activities, understand that your child is special to you but not to everyone else.

Therefore, every coach, every principal, every Sunday School teacher, every school teacher, every contest judge, etc., etc. is not an idiot if they don't see little Johnny as the angel you think he is or if they don't think he's the superstar you do.

This will help you greatly because far too many parents blame everyone else for their own disappointments in what their child does or doesn't accomplish.

It has helped me greatly because I have very good relationships with the teachers and principals at my kids schools and I have never had a confrontation with a coach and I've found the overwhelming majority of the time they are good people trying to do a good job.

These are simple rules, but harder to follow when your son is second string behind the kid up the street who you are sure your son is better than.

 

Good advice in general, I have found. A reasoned, logical approach usually works well with most people. Can't say the same for kids.

 

Yeah, as long as zag isn't emailing the principal, he's fine.

And it's hard to always be reasoned and calm with kids when they are acting up.

 

That's pretty funny, but to be honest, I'd never e-mail anyone I was having an issue with in normal life. I just think there is something to be said for talking through and discussing things, face to face if possible.

A great example -- the principal called me one day and said my son and one of his class mates were having issues. Now I had heard about this from my son, but his version was obviously different than principals version.

Instead of doing the knee-jerk parent thing "it must be the other kid's fault" I asked if I could come to the school and meet with principal to resolve the issue with the other parent present as well.

We did, sat down and talked it through and came to the conclusion it was just boys being boys. There was no law suits, no threats of law suits, no pulling out and sending to different schools or calling for anyone's job (and those of you who are parents know I am not being silly -- these things happen every day over the dumbest issues) and no family fued. I told my son to knock it off, the other parent told his son to knock it off and both were informed that we'd be checking with the teacher weekly to make sure it has been knocked off and if there is a bad report, it will not go well for them.

The two kids knocked it off and my son was just invited to the other kid's birthday party so I'm assuming there is no hard feelings, either.

It doesn't always work out like that but it can if people would just co-operate.

 

Daughter FB starts HS next year.
Remains largely a wonderful mystery to her loving Pa.
I knew I should have taken that job at the paper in Walnut Grove.
As to coaches, I was lucky that my son took up an individual sport -- fencing -- and had one great Russian coach for most of his formative years. (He can curse in fluent Russian, amazing his friends.) The sport, despite containing more than its share of lunatic parents, is like boxing in that it demands serious respect for the people doing the officiating, and to the traditions of the sport. On the other hand, you really are sending the kid out there on his own.