Parenting Thread

I have three boys--21 and 19 year old twins.

I don't claim to be an expert but they've all turned out to be fine young men so I guess we did something right.

Micro's rule is pretty good.

I'll throw this out for what it's worth.

Your children are not the centre of the universe. You may find their playing tag in the restaurant cute and amusing but the other diners do not.

I believe that when they're young,children want structure and predicability. We established a pretty ironclad routine (let's say from ages 1-5 or so). (Also, having twins when the eldest is only 2 years old presents another set of problems)

Dinner and then playtime until (I forget exact times) say, 7:30 and then bath. In bed by 8:00 and then storytime. The bath and storytime always helped my kids relax and get them settled down. Also, if your infant or toddler has trouble falling asleep, play music for them. Something soft.

 

Oh, and for parents of youngsters. My favorite time when they were little was making up stories to tell them at bedtime. Usually they were silly little stories that I would add onto.

Then we went to reading books at bedtime. Me reading to them. From picture books to Harry Potter books.

Now they read all the time and my youngest still wants me to tuck him in.

 

Good advice JR. Good grief, twin boys. That must have been both a joy and a headache.

The please and thank you part are definitely practiced by Little Man. My mom raised me hard on the politeness concept and if we went to a store, she'd stand there with her hands folded waiting for me to open the door. She'd wait for several seconds until I got the idea. My politeness now is one of my hallmarks, and I want to make sure Little Man does the same.

 

One of the biggest challenges I have is getting underway - having two kids playing sports.

My 8-year-old is in softball and my 4-year-old is starting tee ball. Practices, practices, games, practices, games, equipment, etc. It's a lot to keep track of. We've had a few conflicts, but nothing major yet. I shudder what happens in four years when my son starts tee ball and my other daughters still play softball. My eldest will probably be playing more competitively by then, which means tournaments.

My brother and I did this with soccer years ago. We both played competitively and how my parents kept it all together, made games, got us to practices, etc. is beyond me.

 

Growing up in a family of women I have seen up close how vicious adolescent girls can be to each other, and I'm pretty worried about that.

 

I just had a short conversation with the 16 year old daughter of my commander's secretary.

Me: You finished with school yet?

Her: No. I have one more exam tomorrow.

Me: What are you doing this summer?

Her: (Looked at me like I was fucking a baby seal in the floor)

Me: Are you going to work this summer?

Her: (Another strange look) No, that's what I have a mother and a grandmother for.

Me: Wow. I don't think I've ever heard someone say that.

Her: Oh, and dad, too. That's all he's good for, to give me money.

Me: (Speechless).

Her: Well, I might go help my grandmother this summer. She had a heart attack a couple of months ago and can't do much on her own.

Me: (Speechless).

 

This is the first time in seventeen years that I haven't at least had one of my boys involved in some sport during the summer. I feel liberated--and a little sad--all at the same time.

I started with my eldest playing t-ball at five in 1990 and ended with one of the twins playing summer football (big up here) last year. One particular summer all three played in different baseball leagues at different levels. Nice.

When baseball finished, we moved right into hockey. September to March.

So, here's some advice: if you have kids playing sports (or any other activity that requires parental taxi service), forget about your life for 10-15 years. Forget about what YOU want to do on a Friday night when your kid has his 9:00 hockey home game.

And I don't regret a minute (well, almost)

 

raising three boys, now 17, 14, 12. the advice on "please," "thank you," etc. is great. never stop hugging them or telling them you love em.

also, don't take them to anyplace above mcdonald's for dinner until you know they can behave. don't ruin dinner for others.

as for the sports deal, all three have played just about everything. they're pretty good, hold their own, but aren't headed for the pros, by any means. please don't be a parent who acts as if his kid is all that. it's obnoxious and you look foolish.

also, imo, you shouldn't let kids activities rule the family. road trips to play games on holiday weekends; ruining mother's or father's day because the little brat has a soccer game, etc., are no-no's in my book. the sooner they learn the entire world doesn't revolve around their every move, the better, imo.

we're a FAMILY. no one is more important than anyone else. when i hear about a young boy and his family going hundreds of miles away for a soccer tourney or something like that, i think of the poor kid sister who's dragged along and the fun barbeques that are missed by ali. and for what? sorry, i just don't believe in letting 10-year-olds call the shots.

oh, and trust me -- i'm no old meanie. well, old, maybe. but no meanie. i just believe that children should know that there is a universe beyond their own.

 

Oh, I worry plenty about my daughter, too. By the time she's 16, I'm pretty sure teen-age girls will just skip the pretense and start walking around naked. And from how I've seen them behave socially, I thank Christ I didn't have to deal with that when I was in high school. Your average teen-age girl today would have eaten me for lunch 20 years ago.

I think I'm going to go with my old standby: The first kid that shows up looking for my daughter is going to be shot on sight, castrated and hung over my front door as a warning to others. And my daughter will be dressed in a burlap sack, or possibly a burkha, until she's 18.

I'm kidding.
I think.

 

Sounds like a good plan to me...will start sounding better and better once my daughter reaches her teens.

 

Unfortunately, OOP, I see two flaws in my strategy. First, murdering potential suitors will probably still be illegal in 13 years. And second, my daughter already has identified me as the soft mark and knows how to work me over -- even at 2. I weep for my future when she develops some more sophistication -- and a larger vocabulary.

 

As a person who spends many hours each week on a college campus -- and a fairly conservative one at that -- I thank God I have a son. There would be epic battles at our home over clothing choices. I also see the way some of these assholes college guys treat college girls and know the one thing I want to make sure I teach my son is to not be one of them.