1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Parenting Thread

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by alleyallen, May 22, 2007.

  1. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    Hi folks. It's been suggested that we have a place for parents (or those thinking about becoming a parent) to talk about some of the issues they face or emotions they struggle with. I figured this would be as good a place as any to get started.

    But first, a couple of ground rules, please:
    1. Since each child is different, each approach to parenting is going to be different. Let's keep the criticisms of others' parenting skills or choices to an absolute minimum.

    2. Don't let this turn political. Kids don't vote and most of them really couldn't care less. For many of them, we're the most important figure in their lives, so politics shouldn't play a role, at least in a forum like this.
  2. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    It's odd, but my older sister and I are only separated by four years, yet we're at complete opposite ends of the parenting spectrum right now.

    My sister is about to turn 40 and she's got a daughter about to graduate high school in a couple of days, a daughter who's a political and gay rights activist and is attending UTSA soon. I just turned 36 and I just became the full-time parent of a four-year-old.

    I absolutely love being a full-time dad, but the two things I struggle with the most are picking my battles and worrying about him being mad at me for laying down the law.

    I know I can't and shouldn't criticize every action of his which I don't like, but it's difficult to remember I need to ask myself if it's worth getting onto him. Some issues, it's best to just let go and let him learn on his own. Others, I have to step in and be the sheriff. I'm just having trouble deciding when to leave it alone and when to step in.

    Please, share advice or your own worries.
  3. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    To me, one of the hardest things is being in sync with your spouse on parenting.

    As a kid who was a bit independent, I am willing to put up with a little more on day-to-day stuff before I bring the hammer.

    Kids are going to pick on each other, act silly and use bad table manners at times.

    Mrs. Ace will give me the "Why aren't you putting a stop this?" look when I'm thinking it's not a big deal.

    When she's not around, I get on them when needed, but when she is she thinks she's always the bad guy because he threshold of putting up stuff is much lower than mine so it can get ticklish.
  4. Cadet

    Cadet Guest

    Just remember: the tighter the screws, the harsher the rebellion.
  5. Runaway Jim

    Runaway Jim Member

    Great thread idea, Allen.

    I have two kids -- a 5-year-old son and a 2-year old daughter. I never thought I'd enjoy being a dad as much as I do, but it's a whole lot harder than I ever envisioned, too.

    For one thing, we found out three years ago that my son is borderline autistic. It's not full-blown autism, but he's on what the experts call "the spectrum." The best explanation I got was that if autisum is being paralyzed, what he has is a slight limp. He struggles with sudden changes in routine, has trouble communicating his needs and has some fine motor problems. We've had people working with him since his diagnosis, and he's making huge strides. Our hope is that by next year, he'll be able to go to a so-called "normal" kindergarten and keep going from there.

    I wouldn't change a thing about him. He's affectionate, happy, loving toward us and his sister, brilliant when it comes to letters and numbers and an all-around great kid. But I worry about how he'll make out when he starts school. Right now we have him in two pre-schools, an early intervention place to help him learn the skills he needs and a "normal" pre-school to give him a chance to socialize with typical kids. Right now everything's fine, because kids his age are too young to realize he's different. But that will change in a couple years. I'd hate to see his personality change because people start ridiculing him, though I'm sure it will happen.

    I just want him to grow up happy. I remember how it was for me in school -- I sometimes wish I could erase my junior high years (my "awkward" phase) from my mind completely, and I was a fairly normal kid. I worry about how he's going to turn out.

    *Whew*. That's a lot of writing. Obviously I've been waiting to get this off my chest for a while. Anyone have any thoughts/advice? Can anyone relate?
  6. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    True ...but only to a point. You have to find a balance and it really is different with each child. My parents were extremely permissive. My father was always working and my mother's parents had been too restrictive, so she wanted to be different. But there were definitely times that I deserved a kick in the ass and that my brother really needed limits. Without getting into details, I'm still surprised my brother survived childhood.

    I'm trying to give my daughter a bit more of the discipline I never had without overdoing it. She's three and it isn't always easy. Some days I feel like all I did was correct her for misbehaving. It's not easy, but I think finding a balance and being consistent are the most important things.
  7. zeke12

    zeke12 Guest

    Jim --

    Everyone wishes they could erase their middle school years. I'm sure your son will be no different.

    Kids are unnecessarily cruel at that age, to anyone and everyone.
  8. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    Glad you could get all that off your chest, Jim.

    Can't relate directly to what you're going through, though I can certainly appreciate the sentiments. And you're right: you wouldn't want to change a part of your child because everything about him, his near-autism included, is part of who he is as a whole.

    That being said, I know you worry about the burden a child might have. I have terrible eyesight, always have, and after a recent eye test, my son has 20/40 vision and he's only 4. I worry that he'll be wearing glasses/contacts by the time he's 8 or 9.

    Also, I have Gulf War Illness, and it most definitely can be passed on genetically, so I worry about my son's knees since that's one area where I suffer quite a bit.
  9. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Hell, that's where I peaked.
  10. micropolitan guy

    micropolitan guy Well-Known Member

    Teach your children to say please and thank you. That's about the only absolute I have. There's always a little gray area in virtually every other situation, but not there.

    You want something? You say please. You get something? You say thank you.

    Oh, and always send thank-you cards. Pain in the ass. But always much apprecfiated.

    Alley, I had glasses by third grade. Turned out reasonably well-adjusted. It's no big deal anymore because many children have them that early.
  11. StormSurge

    StormSurge Active Member

    I wish I could erase my middle school years. Then I wouldn't know BYH. :) (I keed, I keed.)

    My daughter is almost six & I dread those pre-teen, early-teen years. Yikes.
  12. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Oh, man. It's amazing how aggressive some 10-12 year-old girls are toward boys. I think it's more they want a someone to call a boyfriend for status more than anything else but I see some of these girls and I think, "Their poor parents."
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page