Paging Freelance Hack: The 5 Burgers Likely To Give You a Heart Attack

The Great White burger tastes like burning.

 

You're a page late, Trey

 

Free meal if you weigh more than 350 pounds! God bless America!

 

Hey Kirk, what's the Lord Tracy burger taste like?

 

No idea over here, but I hear the Tracy Lords burger tastes like undercooked tuna.

 

The Melissa Etheridge Burger is actually a TacoBurger.

BTW- I have fucking tears streaming down my face from reading all of these.

Well done everyone.

 

That's what you get with airline food.

 

(With an assist from JayFarrar's Springsteen as cross country coach link...)

The Springsteen burger costs $75 ($100 if you want any fixin's). It has to be that expensive to pay the 14-member kitchen crew required to construct this 2-pound behemoth. It tastes OK at first, with a smoky hint of nostalgia for the mom-and-pop burger places of your youth. The aftertaste is horrible, though. It reminds you of all the poor working folk who slaughtered the cow, processed the lettuce and baked the bun. Eventually, you'll just want to escape that rundown restaurant and pray the term "one horse" only applies to the condition of the place, not its menu.
As a side note, the Springsteen burger has been copied by the competitor restaurant down the street. They call it "The Mellencamp."

 

In Detroit, the Springsteen chain is called Seger.

If you're really in the mood for some cheap Springsteen, you can order 12 John Cafferty sliders. Best only when you're completely wrecked, because the poor imitation will shoot fire out of your ass for hours afterward.

Batman is hitting 1.000 here, BTW.

 

They charge $200 a pop for an Eagles burger. And you don't realize until it's too late, that it really doesn't taste very good.

 

Ha, I was just thinking of posting that.

The Lord Tracy burger sounds like it might be the best thing since the burger was invented, but after a few bites, you realize it's just your pedestrian quarter pounder with cheese.

 

The Gary Glitter burger is loved by kids, but sooner or later it ends up in their butt.