Old-school sports parenting

When my daughter was young, I was the loudest voice shouting down the "youth sports parent."

Then she went into middle-school, then high school basketball, track, cross-country. And I lived through those times when I felt she wasn't getting a fair shake, yet forced myself to sit there and be quiet and let it play out. I kept a straight face when she came off the bench and scored seven fourth-quarter points to pull out a win ... and then entered the game with 24 seconds left two days later.

(She eventually shot herself in the foot by being an academic washout, but that's another story.)

I still clearly see it when parents are re-living their youth through their kids ... but I have a little more empathy for them than I used to.

 

Life isn't fair. When my son gripes about where he is batting or playing or who the coach singled out or why he's getting on him, I just tell him to always do his best and thing will work out and that the coach won't waste his time on someone he doesn't think can be a real asset to the team.

 

And your kid isn't stupid, Ace. He may know more than you think he does. He may know that all members of the roster aren't equal in the coach's eyes. He's the one spending two hours in practice each day.

 

The Pet Peeves are kinda funny:

PET PEEVES #7-13: All of the following parental habits …

*
Habitually arriving 20 minutes late to pick up their kid from Youth League practice, as if the coaches (who are volunteers and have probably been at the practice facility for two or three hours, already) are running a babysitting service.
*
Volunteering to coach a youth league sport that they know absolutely nothing about, simply because their kid signed up. (Special bonus pet peeve: ... and then blowing off most practices but showing up regularly to "coach" in games.)
*
Buying their kid fancy shoes, headbands, wristbands and all sorts of other decorative paraphernalia designed to make him look cool.
*
Enrolling their kid in skill camps named for pro athletes who virtually never attend a single session (let alone actually coaching the kids) – then compounding the annoyance by bragging about it as if their kid has been personally endorsed by the pro.
*
Cornering a coach after practice to see how their kid "is doing."
*
Cornering a coach after a game for any reason.

 

I've always wondered who 'they' are.

 

I agree with everything JR listed there ... except this. It remains competition, and you're competing for playing time. If you're not, the kid can play in one of those leagues with no scoreboard.

At the Little League World Series, they maintain that "everybody plays" rule. It's why some of the teams come to South Williamsport with 10 or 11 players rather than 14 or 15. And it always strikes me that the rule was created for the moms and dads who show up with the juice boxes and the dark knee-highs.

 

He knows but he doesn't quite get the psychology of the matter.

 

I guess the question then is, should he? If there's politics at play, should he be made aware of it, learn the lesson that this kind of thing goes on?

 

Man, Dan Hawkins is reading this guy's site and advising him to ease up a little.

Clearly, this guy's kids were hot shit, and he got tired of every whiny parent who questioned his infinite wisdom as a parent and coach. Perhaps you could follow this guy's advice to create an athlete, but if you're looking to create a well-rounded person forget it. (And I would say the same thing if this guy's site were about the violin, or art, or chess club.) Even his otherwise on-the-mark criticisms of politics in youth sports fall flat when you realize he's targeting parents who aren't willing to put aside their whole lives for Johnny Baseball.

The part about hanging up on parents who called galls me. (Not as much as him contradicting himself by saying you should listen to parents because they might be able to help, perhaps.) As a coach -- granted, for no more advanced athletes than sixth-graders -- I explain everything to the parents. What I plan to do, what I'm doing in practice, why I'm doing it, how playing time is apportioned, why I act the way I act on the sidelines (usually much calmer than most coaches). I find that parents appreciate it, and that it heads off a lot of possible conflicts.

And, Ace, if your coach is game, it might not be a bad idea to ask what in particular your son needs to work on. Perhaps there are some things outside of practice he can do, things that you can work on with him if he's game. Or maybe you and he already know. I've told my 10-year-old son, who is in hockey clinics right now in anticipation of his first year in a house league in the fall, that's he doing great for someone who has never played competitively (he really is), but that he needs to, first, get familiar with the rules of the game and then work on some stuff in the driveway, on his rollerblades with his street stick and puck, to get up to speed quicker because he'll be playing with kids who have been playing hockey for years. I'll also email the coach after the clinic is over to find out what my son needs to work on, just like I would email one of his teachers. I don't do it often, but fortunately the coaches I've dealt with are happy to hear it when you have a sincere question about your kid.

 

It's not politics. It's more the coach trying to pump up kids who aren't as good, but he doesn't understand how he can go 3-for-3 but the coach will single out a kid who made a nice (and rare) catch or something in the huddle after the game.

 

How old is your son? I ask because the reason I don't give out game balls for softball, as the manager did last year, is because too many kids who were kicking butt game after game couldn't figure out why the little girl who got her first hit of the year, after 10 games, got a ball. The kids do know the pecking order, that's for sure. My 10-year-old recently was a captain in gym class for his kickball team, and he practically had a Kiper-like scouting report on every kid as he went into picking teams.

 

What's wrong with the first part of this?

When I was in high school, I coached my stepbrother in Little League, because I grew up playing baseball and knew a lot about the sport. As a result, I got recruited by other coaches to help out with their teams.

My son gravitated to soccer and it turned out, is pretty good. It's a sport I didn't play growing up and have gotten into over the last three years. So what?

When my schedule allowed, I volunteered to coach because: 1) it's something I've always wanted to do, and 2) there were two other coaches in his division I didn't want him playing for.

It didn't matter that I spent a good portion of last summer reading up and pestering various folks (Hi, Pastor!) smarter than me about the sport. I made the commitment and wanted to do the best job I could.

I made every practice my work sked allowed (which was about 85%) and missed only two of 11 games when I was traveling for work. Our team made the playoffs, I had the time of my life, three parents came up to me afterward and said their kids learned a lot and had a good time and I was nominated to coach the All-Star team.

All-in-all, not a bad rookie campaign.

To rag on someone for volunteering with youth sports is the definition of a douchenozzle.