Ok I'm Lost... Confused?

Lars Hanson · May 29, 2011

jr/shotglass said:

OK, that's pretty fucking awesome. I think Lars Hanson just peed himself a little bit.
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No, he has better control of his bodily functions than you old guys.

dooley_womack1 · May 29, 2011

No lemons? Fail

BYH · May 29, 2011

Lemons are so 2003, Dools.

(SHIT how did I forget lemons?)

Azrael · May 29, 2011

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lars_Hanson

English-speaking critics agree: "Richard III in Swedish? WTF?"

Baron Scicluna · May 29, 2011

BYH said:

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF "ANDREW AUGER"

11:47 a.m. (PST) -- wakes up with a start, realizes he just had a horrible dream that he napalmed any career hopes by acting like a jackass on SportsJournalists.com

11:48 a.m. -- realizes it was not a dream

11:50 a.m. -- checks email, the Seattle Times has not responded to his resume

11:55 a.m. -- stomps feet

11:56 a.m. -- come up with a great idea: Go to SportsJournalists.com and log in as ANDREW AUGER and pretend someone else has been posting as him!

11:58 a.m. -- runs around his bedroom pretending he just hit the game-winning World Series home run

12:03 p.m. -- gets assignment from Bleacher Report editors: pen story about the top 10 hottest sister-in-laws of NFL QBs and make sure Elisabeth Hasselbeck is no. 1

12:04 p.m. -- begins Googling Elisabeth Hasselbeck

3:32 p.m. -- finishes Googling Elisabeth Hasselbeck

3:35 p.m. -- begins writing top 10 slideshow

3:35 p.m. -- finishes writing top 10 slideshow

3:36 p.m. -- submits piece to Bleacher Report

3:37 p.m. -- goes to SportsJournalists.com and registers as "Andrew Auger"

3:45 p.m. -- finishes post titled "OK I'm lost... Confused?"

3:47 p.m. -- leans back on his bed with a satisfied grin

3:49 p.m. -- losing patience waiting for someone to post a message declaring all is forgiven, calls his friend Andy Auger to brag

3:50 p.m. -- as his own phone rings, he remembers that he is in fact Andy Auger

3:51 p.m. -- cries

3:57 p.m. -- sees first reply to his thread, panicked that it is skeptical and non-believing

4:33 p.m. -- sees several more replies, all skeptical and non-believing

4:42 p.m. -- using the fine writing skills he learned at Bleacher Report to respond to every one and try to convince these idiots that he's not really Andy Auger

4:55 p.m. -- leans back on his bed with a satisfied grin

4:57 p.m. -- calls Andy Auger again

4:58 p.m. -- cries again

5:27 p.m. -- realizing absolutely nobody buys the shit he's shoveling, "Andrew" decides to surrender and give up his sportswriting dream

5:28 p.m. -- notices he has a new message on SportsJournalists.com

5:29 p.m. -- buoyed by his new friend dkphxf's willingness to put in a good word for him at every place he's interned, Andrew decides to keep the dream alive
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This tops your JRC posts. JRC provides you with some material with their crappy job ads. This is totally original.

Inky_Wretch · May 29, 2011

Speaking of Elisabeth Hasselbeck, I saw her shilling some workout contraption on an infomercial.

Sic semper tyrannis · May 29, 2011

Andrew Auger said:

dooley_womack1 said:

This is either a legit complaint or the most elaborate CYA job evah.
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I have had numerous problems with Mr. Hanson stalking my writing activity online and that thread was created right around the time when things were at their worst and it was getting really weird.

He's cost me a lot of my time, going in and deleting his comments, changing an e-mail, blocking his IP's, on Facebook, Leacher Report, (biggest mistake of my life), just a bunch of crap I don't like dealing with.

It's been refreshing the past several months he's relented, but here I am still dealing with the mess.
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sounds like my divorce

YankeeFan · May 29, 2011

Sic semper tyrannis said:

sounds like my divorce
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Only if your ex-wife is a fictitious person.

McNuggetsMan · May 29, 2011

If this Andy Auger/Lars Hanson feud is fake, someone went to a lot of trouble to build a solid google record. This two seem to be fighting all over Bleacher Report and other fanboi sites:

The comments are filled with STOP TALKING TO ME! pleads between the two.

http://www.fztv.tv/nfl-football/leaving-br-andy-augers-antics-killed-me/
http://www.nfltouchdown.com/seahawks-2009-offensive-mvp-te-john-carlson/
http://www.nfltouchdown.com/seahawks-targeting-broncos-wr-brandon-marshall/
http://www.seahawkaddicts.com/2009-articles/december/thoughts-on-the-blow-up.html
http://12thmanrising.com/2009/08/18/crabtree-to-seattle/

dooley_womack1 · May 29, 2011

McNugs, you need a 12-step program.

YankeeFan · May 29, 2011

McNuggetsMan said:

If this Andy Auger/Lars Hanson feud is fake, someone went to a lot of trouble to build a solid google record. This two seem to be fighting all over Bleacher Report and other fanboi sites:

The comments are filled with STOP TALKING TO ME! pleads between the two.

http://www.fztv.tv/nfl-football/leaving-br-andy-augers-antics-killed-me/
http://www.nfltouchdown.com/seahawks-2009-offensive-mvp-te-john-carlson/
http://www.nfltouchdown.com/seahawks-targeting-broncos-wr-brandon-marshall/
http://www.seahawkaddicts.com/2009-articles/december/thoughts-on-the-blow-up.html
http://12thmanrising.com/2009/08/18/crabtree-to-seattle/
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)

CentralIllinoisan · May 29, 2011

Hank_Scorpio said:

Dude, the point was, had you not started this thread, no one would have thought to look for the old thread with the "impostor" on it.

You are your own worst enemy here.
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Next thing you know, he'll whip out his junk and accuse the room of all being gay for looking at it.

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