Oh man. I'm wiggin out.

So here's what I did for dinner tonight.

Was thinking stir fry, which I think I did the middle of last month, but figured that was too close. Stir fry. Stir fryyy. yyyy....keep the protein, yes. Was gonna be chicken. Poultry. Fuck chicken. Make it turkey. Thanksgiving, sorta belated Thanksgiving bullshit sorta excuse here. Veggies. Was going to put spinach in the mix anyway. Certainly garlic, soy sauce, that special Chinese red pepper sauce you get on the Ethnic Food aisle and lasts you forever and ever and has, yes. All that, still left with stir fry, fuck it, burgers. All that, burgers. Makes sense. Here's what I did for dinner tonight:

The burgers:
Package of ground turkey. Fuck up a bunch of cashews, add to the mix. Ton of soy sauce. That hot Chinese red pepper stuff. Ground ginger. Salt, pepper, lots of garlic. Mash, make 4 burgers.

The side:
Eh, make noodles. Drain, add some veg oil spread, soy sauce, garlic. Let sit so the flava can get nice.

The fixins:
Minimal. Just spinach. Saute garlic, salt, pepper, olive oil. Wilt a bunch of spinach (it shrinks and shrinks, yes) in the pan. Let it go slow.

The wtf sauce:
All to taste, all by ear. Start chuggin a beer as you dump in ketchup, honey (there's your base, fuck ketchup), soy sauce, garlic, salt, pepper, and a bunch of hot pepper flakes. Alternate taking swigs from the beer and tasting the sauce; it's the same general idea anyone else eating your stuff will have. So prepare for it.

The buns:
Easy. Nice kaiser rolls from your MassiveGloboCorp. grocer. Sprinkle on some olive oil, salt, garlic. Stick in a toaster oven. Tick tick tick tick tick.

Now plate:
Noodles on the side, just as is. Slap the buns on the plate, burger first, spinach on top, spread the top bun with the wtf sauce, squeeze everything together, eat.

In order to wig out:
Make sure to drink at least three beers while making said dish. While eating, have a nice Pinot Grigio. Fuck the snobs. Finish off the meal with a nice diet soda. Mine was MassiveGloboCorp. generic.

Now. Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Aaaaaaaaand enjoy the brain-bafflin sugar/salt/savory shock. Still twitching from mine.

 

You should have made raisin ham, I hear there is a great recipe somewhere on here

 

OK ...

 

Fucking.

Solid.

Maybe I'll induce a similar seizure to get out of work on Thursday.

 

"fuck up a bunch of cashews" was a pretty good line.

 

How stoned was this dude tonight?

 

uber.

 

Oh, no. Not stoned. It's wiggin' out, or just pumpin' your body full of crap to induce yourself into something resembling close to a heart attack.

 

Don't know about him but I'm pretty baked. (Insert groan here)

 

What?

I'd rather just get drunk and chain smoke.

 

Much more entertaining when Chef does it.

That also goes for self-mutiliation.

 

Yes, I'm not sure either. This whole thread just makes me want to have a drink.