Oh Britney, what have you done this time?

Men fake it, too?

 

Sometimes. If we can't hang the full 8 seconds.

 

We don't fake the sex.

We fake the intimacy.

 

And sometimes even that's a challenge.

 

I've faked it once.

 

Why? If it's taking too long, it just makes the woman feel inadequate and will make her try harder next time. She might even invent some new shit just to prove to herself that's she good. You missed out, my friend.

 

Solo doesn't count, kid. You're only fooling yourself.

 

Oh yeah, is Britney dead yet or what?

 

Not quite, sir. I took this German model up to my room the night before graduation my junior year and we fucked on my La-Z-Boy in the common room of my suite. After the first time, she wanted to go again, so off we went. After about an hour altogether, I got tired of pumping, threw on my finishing face and told her, "Wow. I'm spent."

Then I kicked her out of my room three hours before my ex-girlfriend came up to hug me goodbye. We got back together that September. She knows of the German model, but not of that night.

 

I haven't done that ... yet.

 

Shouldn't you be preparing for the Super Bowl, Mr. Brady?

 

If I were Brady, I wouldn't be in a two-year slump. I'm like the Ryan Leaf of sex now.