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Not sure how to act, what to say

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by huntsie, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. huntsie

    huntsie Active Member

    Advice please.
    A guy who has worked with us as our prime stringer for 15 years or more, very good friend of mine, has been in a battle the last couple of months. Word came today:he's full of cancer. Nothing they can do but make him comfortable. He went to hospital in a different town last week for an operation they had hoped would save his life. But he'll be home in the next few days and put into pallative care here.
    It's devastating news. Through his ordeal, I've tried to remain positive, telling him to keep fighting, stay positive; that attitude is a big part of the fight. Now this.
    I'll go to visit him in the hospital of course. He's one of my very best friends. But in a way, I dread that first visit. I don't know what to say? How to act? Do I hug the guy? Do I say I'm sorry?
    Anybody who has any experience with this stuff, please help.
    And thanks.
  2. PeteyPirate

    PeteyPirate Guest

    Ask him if there is anything you can do for him. Ask him what his feelings are. Maybe he wants to talk about them. Make it about him, not about your own grief.

    Don't tell him to fight. If he doesn't feel like fighting, that will just make him feel like he's letting you down.

    You can't do anything for him if you don't show up. That's the most important piece.
  3. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    Your presence will do a world of good. Just let him know you're there for him and you're available to help him with anything he needs.

    You're right that attitude makes a difference when you're battling something that's potentially terminal. I know first hand. But in this situation, being there for him may be the only thing you can do. However, that is vitally important.
  4. jps

    jps Active Member

    dittoed. go there and sit next to him - don't probably need to say much of anything. just be there.
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