No, you haven't been fired, you've been offboarded

Now that layoffs are coming on strong, "fired" is the new "f" word.

I always find it amusing the length to which companies can come up with new weasel words.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081117.WBtheoffice20081117145310/WBStory/WBtheoffice/

Lots of oldies but goldies in the list and some new ones which I can add to my "Weaselword Encyclopedia" :

Besides "offboarding", I also like "rebalancing the level of human capital"

 

Offboarding sounds a lot like walking the plank.

 

Better than being waterboarded.

 

Arr, that's the thought I had first me matey.

 

"Rightsizing" is the one that makes me want to vomit. Because you know some corporate asshole was locked in a room somewhere trying to put a positive spin on "downsizing." All involved in such a vapid exercise should be strung up by their nutsack/labia.

 

I don't know, that depends on whether or not you have a job afterwards.

 

We get furloughed in the airline business. I guess that carries a bit more meaning since we can have our job back if it is reopened later.

 

Anybody announcing layoffs, and especially anybody responsible for informing employees that they've been laid off, should be required by law to utter the following phrase at the very top of their spiel:

"We apologize. We fucked up."

 

Honestly, I think companies are more apt to cut jobs if they are using the term 'layoffs' instead of 'firings'. 'Firings' sounds a lot more harsh, and I think companies might think twice about bad publicity if they announced '5,000 firings' instead of '5,000 layoffs'.

But of course, 'money' is the main reason.

 

I like the term "retrenchment"