No Idiots Allowed Hockey League

Uhh, Big Dog? How do we determine who gets the boot if one of the newbies wins the hockey league?

 

We have an old fashioned hockey brawl with Tie Domi as the guest referree

 

Because if you plan on inviting TheCrosbyShow, these are the type of questions you should be asking yourselves.

 

Well, I'm safe. Of course, I'd have to bring Hockey_Goon out of retirement.

If you kill someone on the way out of the playoffs, it could really help you get into the league.

 

Please look at my handle. What does it say?

That is all.

 

Size XS

 

DING!

 

Will Peter Zezel be available when I pick?
I want to have a guy I can kick out of the dressing room and force to dress in the utility closet.

 

Which ones?

 

Having just attended a wedding where I was both the best man and emcee, my confidence is very high. That's right, I'm the new Deion Sanders. Highlights included:
- Asparagus on the buffet
- A performance of the classic 80s hit "Tarzan Boy" by Baltimora at the reception
- Dozens of 40-something aunts

It's been a rough summer, and the horror began with the Oilers' debacle in game one of the Stanley Cup final. That third period was the sort of thing Flames fans would joke about to jinx you, and when they would get to the part about Conklin behind the net, you would accuse them of being greedy and "getting carried away." Well... it happened.

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm an old man. I offer the following evidence to support this theory:
1) I have completely lost the ability to judge the age of young people. I recentlyinterviewed a girl who had attended a local basketball camp. Throughout her interview, I talked to her like she was 7 years old. Upon sitting down to write up the story, I discovered that she was in fact 15. She probably thinks I'm retarded.
2) If I shaved Idaho's back, I could address my need for a hairpiece.
3) Alexandre Daigle is 31 years old.
4) Remember the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" It's almost 20 years old.
5) In a random survey of people I've interviewed in the last year, 40% were younger than my cat.

Finally, I like the sound of a hockey league that doesn't allow any idiots. My current league is filled with morons, where speculation and stoopidity run rampant in equal amounts. Here is a collection of quotes from last season.
"In 1983, Messier, Coffey, Gretzky, and Kurri all scored 50 goals in 50 games. That will never happen again, that team was so good."
"The Oilers traded for Jason Smith so he could quarterback the powerplay, and I think it's safe to say he's been a disappointment."
"Andrew Cassels is still available?!!"
"As a Calgary fan, I'm a little concerned to see them building the whole team around Jarome Iginla."
"How can Anaheim say they want a speedy team, and then go out and sign Scott Niedermayer? It makes no sense!"
"Phoenix hasn't made any significant trades or signings since the end of the 2003 hockey season." Note: at the time of this quote, Phoenix had signed Brett Hull, Mike Ricci, Petr Nedved, and Curtis Joseph.

Four members of the league are Flames fans. Flames fans think that Daymond Langkow is a lock for 80 points this year. They are also unable to tell you any stats from his career at any level. When you dispute this erroneous line of thinking, they will have made-up facts to back up this assertion

When life gives you shit, make a sandwhich.
Garner