No, I Don't Have Any Blue Oyster Cult

If you know that because you have to buy them ... congrats, sir.

And I don't know what kind they used ... probably cheap ones.

 

During my sophomore year of college, I was walking back to my room with a few friends. We walk down the sidewalk past the all-girls dorm and a guy gets hit on the head by something. He's like 6-foot-3, 260 and doofy as fuck; Rich was the modern-day Lenny. He says, "What the heck was that?" I'm laughing my ass off because I saw the remnants on the sidewalk. I said, "Dude, that's awesome. You just got nabbed by a condom." The motherfucker freaks the hell out: "Oh, my God, that's fucking sick. What was in it? What was in it? What was in it?"; all the while, he's dancing around like a snake just crawled out of his jockeys. "Well ...," I said. Quickly, he said, "Don't you fucking say it. Don't say it." ...

It's too bad that was the first time he saw a condom. What a horrible association.

 

I was talking to my friend about this on our four-hour drive to his grandparents' place. The last time I bought condoms was in November, 2003. I used a few of them, gave a couple away, and the rest rotted away in my bookbag. I had them there, you know, just in case. I threw the last one out today.

 

Reminds me of a Dane Cook joke about old condoms...

"How does that feel baby?"
"It feels like I HATE YOU!"

(NSFW)

 

It's like being a Cubs fan, Mike.

There's always tomorrow.

 

maybe you shoulda tried it on. you know, jump back in the saddle?

 

That's awesome. I can definitely relate to the last part. Broken condoms rule. (I was planned, so fuck you.)

 

FUKUDOME!

 

I don't think my buddy would have liked that. "Hey, thanks for the Taco Bell. Here's my cock. ... No, it's OK. I'm wearing a 5-year-old jimmy hat."

 

Two things Mike may never get by the time the Cubs win a World Series.

 

and fuku, too.