No Charlie Brown thread? Good grief, sj.com.

"Great Pumpkin" airs Tuesday at 8 p.m., and so the season of Mssr. Charles begins...

 

Yeah, I added it to my DVR today.

 

Same time Wednesday but without the "bonus cartoon" paring, Charlie Brown.

 

I just know I'm going to get a rock again.

 

If Linus were real he'd be, what, 60? I wonder how his life would've turned out? My guess is that he was a fetish man.

 

I get the feeling the blanket was the beginning of a major bout with obsessive/compulsive disorder.

 

The blanket cast a powerful spell on Linus that had implications in adulthood. My guess is that he insisted on being tied up with it by his lovers ... of both genders.

 

He's banging the high-school tennis player, who now works at Hooters.

I might have my details wrong, though.

 

End well, this won't Charlie Brown.

 

Linus grew up and now lives in Fort Collins, Colo. facing charges of filing a false police report.

Seriously, the promo for Great Pumpkin made me sick when they had Charlie saying "Word..." at the end of it.
What's next? Having Rudolph file a discrimination suit against Santa on behalf of the island of misfit toys? Give me a break.

 

It's not the original version, but it'll do for now:

 

As GB noted, Linus' compulsiveness over his blanket never really subsided.

There was the unfortunate incident with Sally -- who in her unrequited love for Linus became his sextoy later in life, one he disposed and deposed as he wished -- who tried to curry favor with Linus in the middle of midnight romp in the pumpkin patch by erotically grinding his blanket between her legs, rubbed her eroused sex.

"No! Wait no, bitch! That's my fucking blanket! What the fuck are you doing? Aw, gross! You think your juices are good enough to soil it? Think again, bitch! You don't see me jizzing all over that blue monstrosity you call a dress, do you? DO you!

"Get back on your knees. I've got a Great Pumpkin in my pants and its very real. It's a present for you. That's what Christmas is all about, Sally Brown."