NFL Week 17 thread -- Plaxico reminds you that gun safety is cool

And we somehow got here. No, the NFL hasn't been perfect with its COVID protocols and has had some high profile slip-ups, but the fact that we've reached Week 17 with minimal interruption is an accomplishment in itself. All games are on Sunday this week (for now).

Full playoff scenarios

EARLY WINDOW
Miami at Buffalo (NL)
STAKES: Miami clinches a playoff berth with a win or a loss from Baltimore, Cleveland or Indianapolis. Buffalo clinches No. 2 seed with either a win or a Pittsburgh loss.

Baltimore (-11.5) at Cincinnati
STAKES: Baltimore clinches a playoff berth with a win or a Cleveland loss, otherwise needs help.

Pittsburgh at Cleveland (-7)
STAKES: Cleveland clinches a playoff berth with a win, needs help with a loss. Pittsburgh needs a win and a Buffalo loss to clinch the No. 2 seed.

Dallas (-2.5) at N.Y. Giants
STAKES: Winner takes NFC East if Washington loses.

Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-6.5)
STAKES: Tampa is the No. 5 seed with a win or a Rams loss. Falls to No. 6 with a loss and a Rams win.

NO STAKES
Minnesota (-6.5) at Detroit
N.Y. Jets at New England (NL)

LATE WINDOW
Green Bay (-5.5) at Chicago
STAKES: Green Bay clinches No. 1 seed with a win or a tie, or a Seattle loss or tie. Chicago clinches a playoff berth with a win, an Arizona loss, or in the event that both teams tie.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-14)
STAKES: Indy needs help. It gets in with a win or a Tennessee loss or a tie and a Tennessee loss. Jacksonville is busy prepping Trevor Lawrence's locker.

Arizona at L.A. Rams (-1.5)
STAKES: The Rams clinch a playoff berth with a win, tie or a Chicago loss or tie and can move up to No. 5 with a win and a Tampa loss. Arizona is in with a win or a tie and a Chicago loss. Cards cannot get in with a loss.

Seattle (-4.5) "at" San Francisco
STAKES: Seahawks get the No. 1 seed if they win, Green Bay loses and New Orleans loses or ties.

New Orleans (-6.5) at Carolina
STAKES: Saints are the No. 1 seed if they win, Green Bay loses and Seattle wins.

Tennessee (-7.5) at Houston
STAKES: There's a whole lot going on here, but the Titans win the South with a win or a Colts loss or if both teams tie. Tennessee can get clinch a playoff berth even if it loses so long as Baltimore or Miami loses, plus some weird scenarios involving Titans ties. See link above.

NO STAKES
Las Vegas (-2.5) at Denver
L.A. Chargers at Kansas City (NL)

SUNDAY NIGHT
Washington (-1.5) at Philadelphia
STAKES: WFT is in with a win or with a tie as long as Dallas loses or ties.

 

I would've lost a lot of money if I'd bet my opinion on the NFL season in August, namely that'd it'd collapse in postponements and forfeits by Halloween. It is an accomplishment they got this far. Sure, there were covid outbreaks and fuckups, but by and large what they did to keep going worked. Also, how the hell can the Browns be 7 point favorites over Pittsburgh?

 

I imagine Rodgers will win the MVP, however, Josh Allen finishes in the top 3, right?

 

Watch them give it to Brady lol

 

One time I was working the wires and saw Plaxico Burress signed a new deal with the Giants
Since he’s a local (Michigan State) I said, to nobody in particular, “Hey, Plaxico signed.”
A couple of minutes later, I hear my boss on the phone to the Tigers writer: “We need a story. Placido Polanco just signed.”
I yelled out: “No! PLAXICO, not Placido.”
Boss: “Never mind” and hangs up

 

Presumably because Pittsburgh will not play many of its first-string players because it has little to gain by winning. That said, anybody who bets this game is a freaking moron. The Browns could have half the roster on the Covid list by Thursday.

 

Stupid question, what happens if Green Bay and Seattle lose? Is there some weird tiebreaker if Seattle losses, it denies the Saints the No. 1 seed on strength of schedule?

 

If the above happens and Saints win, Green Bay and New Orleans would be 12-4 (Seattle is 11-5 and is 3 seed). Green Bay is 1 seed due to the head-to-head victory over New Orleans.

 

Damn if I had spent two seconds looking at records. Thanks.

 

The one I didn't get into was who would be the 2/3 seed if New Orleans lost and Seattle won, because they'd both have the same conference record and didn't play head to head. No idea where it goes from there.

 

Both are 11-4 right now. If New Orleans loses and Seattle wins, Seattle is 2 and New Orleans is 3.

If they end up tied, New Orleans is 9-2 in conference currently. Seattle is 8-3. New Orleans wins any head-to-head tiebreaker over Seattle due to that.

If Green Bay loses and Seattle and New Orleans win to end up 12-4, all would have 9-3 conference records ... therefore record vs. common opponents is next:

Record vs. common opponents (Vikings, 49ers, Eagles, Falcons):
Seattle - 5-0 (swept 49ers)
Green Bay - 4-1 (split with Vikings)
New Orleans - 4-1 (lost to Eagles, swept Falcons)

Seattle gets 1.
Green Bay would be 12-4 with the 2.
New Orleans would be 12-4 with the 3 (lost to Green Bay).