New Year's Resolutions?

That's right, Alley. I am writing this from my SUV as I sit seething in a Wal-Mart parking lot, wondering if I need to have all my teeth extracted before the greeters will allow me in .

 

Go on in, they probably won't even notice you're there.

 

You dig middle-aged married men, huh?

 

Oh. You're old?

Never mind.

 

You know, you'd think a person whose team won the World Series would be less angry. But the way the cocksucking, low-rent, ass-eating Chiefs are playing -- and have played -- you'd be wrong. Fucking cocksuckers should have won AT LEAST two more games this season, but they rolled over against the Dolphins and the Browns -- the fucking Browns.
I'd like to be less angry. I guess I'l have to stop watching the Chiefs. Or get a prescription for Percocet.

 

I'm not much for resolutions, but I once heard that how you spend New Year's Day is indicative of how you will spend the rest of the year. I try to do things that make me happy on that day and let the good karma flow...

 

I'm off work on New Year's Day. That sets up the rest of the year nicely.

 

Exactly my thoughts, Cadet. I'm very seriously considering foregoing a New Year's Eve date in favor of giving my son a pretty cool fireworks show, something I know he enjoys. My sister owns several stands and I always get everything for almost nothing.

Opening a year with a smile on my son's face? Good god, how could it be any better?

 

My goal is to actually have a social life this year. Work makes it tough, but I could put more effort into it.

 

That's a fact, spup. Quitting smoking is the best thing you'll ever do for yourself, and for those who love you. Get a jump on the New Year and start tomorrow.

 

That sounds like a great plan, Alley.

When I was younger I went to some fantastic New Year's Eve parties. Had fun, got lit, met boys. But it wasn't a lot of fun to start the New Year with a monster headache and nausea.

 

Good thing my son is only 4, which means I won't have to worry about him drinking for....(counting years)...AAGGHH!