new britain, conn: "starting-level pay ... lot of experience and responsibility"

anyone think he's off to go get his pimp hat?

 

Oh, I was also told to avoid Hartford. West Hartford, good. Western part of Hartford? Bad.

 

Not completely sure about that IJAG. Some of it, yeah, but there are parts of the West End on the border that are decent.

 

Well I think it was more in a "You're moving from out of town and you won't have a chance to actually go look at any of these areas" kind of thing. I'm sure now that I'm in state, it will be easier to figure out what's good and bad.

From Va.? Much easier to just avoid the whole city than get screwed.

 

that's weird. i usually go into the city to get screwed.

 

Ha, yeah that's probably not a bad attitude when dealing with most of Hartford.

 

As someone who went to school in that area. That would be correct. Good luck affording a place in West Hartford on a newspaper salary.

 

Yeah, once I saw 1BRs were going for $1500, I stopped looking there.

 

Company: Journal Register Co. (RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!)
Position:
News and sports editors/copy editors(/page designers/news and sports writers/feature writers/janitors/peep show cleaner uppers)
Location:
New Britain, Connecticut (if you're not molested by your fourth week, your first month of rent is on us! no, just kidding. about paying your rent, of course)
Job Status: Full-time (and a whole fucking shitpot of comp time you'll never see)
Salary: Not Specified (don't ask, don't tell)
Ad Expires:
October 10, 2008 (or when we do, whichever comes first)
Job ID: 972965 (666)

Description:
A group (clusterfuck) of small (dying) dailies in central Connecticut (this is probably the truest phrase in the ad) is looking for (suckers/naive people) news and sports copy editors with (no self-respect) strong English skills (not necessary), good graphic sense (it doesn't matter, nobody can do shit with our postage-sized tabloid pages), a love of (sucking dick for rent money) precision ("Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the second when his dreams of becoming the next Woodward or Bernstein rip in half") and organization, rock-solid common sense (for the love of fuck, if you had that, you wouldn't be in journalism and you REALLY wouldn't be applying here), sensitivity (RALPH TRESVANT!!!) toward the communities they serve (who are they? and it doesn't matter, you won't be here long enough to figure out how to get from Rocky Hill to New Britain, never mind get to know your neighbors), an interest in learning (a new trade) and immediately applying (for a new job) that knowledge (is king and we're all a bunch of paupers) and an ability to handle high-pressure situations (Jelenic just called, he's wondering why the Little League boxes don't include RISP like he requested, you cock-sucking little fuck) with grace and creativity (if you had the grace and creativity necessary to pull this off, you'd be in the circus, and it would smell better than New Britain). (People interested in the sports copy editing job (are stupid) should also have extensive knowledge and interest in sports (gee, no fucking shit, really? Sports make my eyes bleed and my throat fill with bile, but I was going to apply for fun) including at the community level (LITTLE LEAGUE!!!).) Applicants should be (lobotomized) willing to work (in conditions that make the Nike factory look like the Taj Mahal) nights and weekends (and mornings and weekday afternoons and Christmas and New Years and Thanksgiving and Arbor Day) for starting-level pay (which means minimum wage circa 1942)--but they will get a lot of (pesky coughs) experience and responsibility, fast (this is actually true).

The ideal candidate (doesn't know any better) has worked with (Nazi dictators) Adobe InDesign (we have one copy in the whole company, someone knows someone at SJ and got it burned for free) and Adobe Photoshop (ditto) and has a journalism degree (which will feel even more worthless once you work for the JRC, shoulda taken more literature classes, stupid) and/or experience in journalism as writer and editor (of your very own BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Independent, conscientious and eager candidates are invited to (get the fuck out of here and go volunteer for the Peace Corps or some hippy shit like that) send a resume (not necessary), cover letter (not necessary) and any applicable clips or (stool) samples to mlevy@newbritainherald.com (hurry the fuck up before Jelenic shuts off the Internet and makes us all get excite.com accounts), mail them to the attention of Marc Levy (for now) at 1 Herald Square, New Britain CT 06050 (hurry the fuck up, Jelenic is threatening to get rid of our mail service and rely on carrier pigeons he imported from Thailand) or fax them to (860) 223-8171 (don't fax them, we don't have phones anymore). We are looking to hire (disband) fast, so candidates already in or near central Connecticut are (already fucked) especially invited (to learn how to suck dick for rent money).

 

God, I love JRC job ads for the posts they bring out of you.

I swear, I have tears over that last graf. Fantastic.

 

i wanna learn how to suck for rent money, so there's hope for me yet. right, petty?

(i hear petty's applying here. for the love of christ, he has a better shot than in roswell or martinsville. )

 

Re: new britain, conn: "starting-level pay ... lot of experience and responsibil

Nice work for a boy with a rat-tail.