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Needing feedback

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by KG, Apr 13, 2007.

  1. KG

    KG Active Member

    I'm just a rookie with a column in a Podunk, a trucker mag and some occasional web site stories, so I know I have a long road ahead.

    I'm not getting any feedback, good or bad from my editor so I thought I'd turn here. This was last week's column. It's usually more strictly a race report but with only one of the series running last week I had to stretch it out. The part about the music venture was meant to be a sidebar but ended up within the race story, so it looks somewhat out of place.

    I could go on and on and rip it apart but I'm curious as to what others think.
  2. KG

    KG Active Member

    Lebanon, Tenn.— Carl Edwards won the Pepsi 300 at Nashville Superspeedway, giving himself a 321 point lead in the Busch Series. This is a larger early-season lead than last year's champion Kevin Harvick had by this same race. For now, Edwards is keeping thoughts of a championship on the back burner so he can enjoy the racing. Other than the giddy Mark Martin, no other driver seems to have as much fun as Edwards and it shows when he wins a race.

    “That was a blast,” Edwards said. “The car was so great in practice. I felt like it was our race to lose, and then they dropped the green flag and we went backwards like a rock. I was really nervous there for a little while because I thought we must have missed something. PK (Pierre Kuettel, the No. 60 crew chief) and the guys did a great job of regrouping. I was feeling pretty rough there and they made the car a lot better.”

    Edwards may have won the race but for a while it seemed like his luck could turn at any moment—especially when he called out to his team over the radio that it felt like his wheel was loose.

    “The right-front wheel kept coming loose,” Edwards added. “I don't know if it was because it was chattering and it was making it loosen up, but I told them, I said, 'Man, I think the right-front's falling off.' We pulled in the pits, and they said that sure enough it was. That happened one more time and we got a lucky pit break, and at the end they took some extra time and got the wheel tight. We came out third because of that, but the car was so great that I took my time and it made it pretty simple to get back up to the front. I can't thank my guys enough for having such a great car and being able to respond to the adversity today."

    Needless to say it was an exciting win for both Edwards and all the race fans who came out to the track for the race.

    At the end of his cool down lap, Edwards rolled to a stop at the finish line. But before the car even came to a complete stop, everyone in the grandstands leapt to their feet to cheer for Edwards’ signature celebration back flip. It didn't seem to matter who the fans came to cheer for during the race—they were all on their feet cheering for Edwards in the end.

    He climbed out of his car onto his window sill to the roar of encouraging fans.

    After a few happy punches in the air, Edwards turned to check that the ground behind him was clear. Then he caught some amazing air with the celebration backflip everyone had been waiting for.

    This was the second consecutive Busch Series win for Edwards this year and his second consecutive win at Nashville Superspeedway. It was also his 11th overall Busch Series win.

    The coveted Gibson guitar trophy the winner receives at Nashville Superspeedway sweetens the pot even more. Edwards is no stranger to music. He can strum a few tunes on the guitar quite well.

    He proved that to the world when he played along with Robert Randolph and the Family Band last December at the Busch Series Banquet in Orlando, Fla.

    But Edwards draws the line at playing the guitar. He leaves the singing up to other people. In fact, he doesn't just leave it up to other people, he has his own recording company called Back 40 Records. The first CD, That One CD, has a flavorful mix of genres and styles.

    Christopher Hatfield, Dex Hayes, Taylor Marie, Omega, Dan Savage Stevie Stone and Jonathan Truth spent some time in Lab 99 putting together That One CD, which is a mix of rap, hip-hop, rock and R&B.

    All the artists are from the areas surrounding his hometown of Columbia, Mo. This first album was one of his ways of helping to give back to his community.

    “So many people have helped me so much, so many people from the community,” Edwards said. “Those people are the reason I get to do what I love. These guys have their dreams with music and it's something we can do for fun and they really enjoy it.”

    Edwards and all the artists recently did a little more for the community. The proceeds of their first concert, which was held at The Blue Note in downtown Columbia, went to The Dream Factory.

    With a heart for his community like that, it's no surprise that so many people would jump to their feet to see him win a race.

    But Edwards’ win wasn't the only exciting part of the race. Toyota, who's seen so many struggles just qualifying for races this year, came in second, third and fourth.

    David Reutimann came in second, even after having to return to the pits after the catch can was left on the car during a pit stop.

    Overall it was a fantastic race. With the field being full of mostly Busch Series-only drivers, there were surprisingly few cautions.

    The first one didn't even come out until Johnny Sauter spun Dave Blaney out coming out of turn four on lap 86.

    The fans watching the race from home got a good show, but the real troopers were the ones in the stands.

    It was the coldest race this year, beating the Atlanta races out by a long shot. But it's things like toughing out the cold weather for hours of racing that shows just how loyal race fans are. Many of the fans in the stands had been there for hours before to watch the ARCA race as well.

    Next weekend's racing promises to be in much warmer weather. The NASCAR racing circuit is heading to Texas Motor Speedway, where the winner becomes the rightful owner of a brand new cowboy hat and a pair of six-shooters to go along with his trophy. Ride em’ cowboys!

    Let's go racin!
  3. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    You're talking about him having fun, but you bury the backflip way down in the column. Why?

    Also, it doesn't really transition well from one segment to another.

    I'd recommend rereading it and trying to come up with a bit better organization. Just one man's opinion. Also, I'd seriously consider a different ending.
  4. Problem areas in italics, my comments in bold

  6. KG

    KG Active Member

    Thanks for the feedback. I really do appreciate it.

    From the Edwards is no stranger to music..through the part about the concert is the musical venture I mentioned that was supposed to be separate.

    The bad cowboys statement was my way of seeing if my editor really pays attention to it or not--I'd say not. I didn't mean (or realize until now) that I put the "Let's go racin" thing in there. That's how the column in the trucker mag is ended.

    Thanks again for your feedback. I'll keep it all in mind with this weekend's races.
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