Need some advice on long distance relationships

I'd like to think that long-distance relationships are easier to maintain now than they were when I was going through one 13-14 years ago, but maybe I'm overestimating the emergence of cell phones, e-mail and other newer technologies. Yeah, they were around back then, but they were not nearly as ubiquitous as they are now.

Of course, I was also the biggest, most despicable ass of a human being when I was 18-21, basically driving her away. So, I'm not sure anything would have saved my immature ass in a relationship.

KYSW, I'm happy for you that you think you've found someone. I hope it will work out for you both, but you're just one week into the relationship. You've got a lot of new things going on in your life. As others have said, you need to hit the brakes now, otherwise everything will spin out of control.

Good luck.

 

Easier to maintain contact, yes.

Are long-distance relationships any easier? Hell no.

Cell phones can't replace people ...

 

I think it was after you went out drinking, but yes.

 

I can't believe she'd ever say that either. Love ya, sc.

 

That had to be before the last boy toy. I soooo can't imagine that I'd say that.

 

Definitely do that first. You could think you found the perfect girl talking to her on the phone, but when you meet, there just might not be chemistry or it's not what you thought or whatever.

Not saying that that's going to happen to you two. You have to go in with a sense of caution at first. You start saying love and all that, you could set yourself for a hard fall.

 

You did...lol

 

I know. That's happened to me with other girls in the past.

But not with this one. Something just, I dunno, clicked the first time we talked on the phone. Like everything fell into place and everything was perfect. I don't know how to describe it...

 

KY, how'd you meet her?

Four years into a long distance love, I can say without reservation that if you can handle the obstacles of this kind of relationship, you can handle just about anything.

You can't decide in advance if it's going to work....it does or it doesn't. Be understanding and patient and supportive. If it's meant to work, it will. You'll know.

 

KY, how is her rehab going, did the stem cell surgery work?

 

I was on a blind date once in my late 20s and the woman started telling me about her failed relationships and asked about mine. I told her that it's obvious neither of us had a successful relationship to that point or we wouldn't be sitting there together. Mine included a few long-distance ones, and obviously none of them worked. But now, in the safety of a 13-year relationship and middle age, even the relationships that ended with my heart being stomped on are oddly treasured memories and experiences that brought me to the point of being ready for what I have today. Not that I'd want to repeat them.

Play it safe? Tone down your expectations? I don't know. Unless you are passing on good prospects, what do you have to lose except the possibility of wasted time and emotional pain? That is something most of us have to experience. Probably the worst that can happen is getting hurt and/or inflicting emotional pain on the other party. But no risk, no reward.

What amazes me is that some people actually seem eager to involve themselves in long-distance affairs, where for me it was something that I engaged in reluctantly, knowing that such a commitment would result in either frequent loneliness or guilt, not to mention considerable whacking off. Just before my last big move before I met my wife, a woman surprised me by indicating interest and said that since she worked for an airline it would be no problem to visit me. I told her that the attraction was mutual, but at that point in our lives we both deserve more than that, and that I spoke from experience and did she? Well, she didn't have that experience, but she took my word that she was better off without it. I hear from mutual acquaintences that she is doing quite well, as I expected she would. And so am I. Good for her. Good for me. This kind of thing is not for everyone.

 

Welcome to my world.