Need some advice from dads out there

I'm not going to get into a breast-bottle pissing match here, but I can't let this go. Without getting into explicit details of my own family's situation, let me say there are legitimate reasons to choose bottle-feeding other than parental laziness, and that at this point I can vouch for my kids being something other than morons despite being bottle-fed.

Palmetto, don't be afraid to follow your parental instincts (and they will come) when given advice from a professional, or from a schlub on a message board. Oftentimes that little voice inside you is correct -- especially because you're going to know your child better than anyone else, except mom. Remember that What To Expect When You're Expecting/the Baby Years/the Toddler Years is a guidebook, not a Bible.

This also reminds me to advise that your wife stay out of the mommy wars as best she can. I'm stunned at how vicious and backstabbing some mothers are to each other.

 

I think the original question was about balancing home and work life.
The answer is in the question.
I found the biggest problem wasn't lack of sleep, it was stress brought on by the fact that I felt guilty being at work away from family and then guilty about being at home away from work.
I made a conscious decision to prioritize, and chose family, the stress disappeared and I end up being better at work, and was eventually promoted a number of times.
Working 80 hours a week didn't get me those promotions. Being of sound mind etc. did.

 

One other thing -- there's a saying that when a baby arrives, your dog suddenly becomes just a dog. That also might be true of your job -- instead a soul-fulfilling career, it becomes just a job. This is not an all-bad thing. It might give you the perspective you need to decide whether what you do now is meshing with your family, or whether your current situation is best. It certainly takes the pressure off of your job to be the be-all, end-all of life. Also, on days when you feel inspiration is flagging, you think of that extra mouth to feed, and then you get inspired. Actually, I think I've pushed myself harder in my career post-kids than pre-kids.

 

What Bob Cook just said.

And while formula IS 1000x better than it was 30 years ago, breast milk still holds many key advantages over formula, the two biggest of which are that its a helluva lot cheaper (plan to spend $21-25 for a 25-ounce can of powder that'll last maybe 8 days), and it provides antibodies to the baby that will help it combat diarrhea, ear infections, allergies and SIDs. The longer you can breast feed (up to six months) the better, and the sooner you can get the baby to latch on and get the colestrum (spell) - i.e. liquid gold - after birth, the better.

If I sound like a tool here, so be it - I'm a tool.

 

Those antibodies the baby gets from breastfeeding also give the immune system a great start. It gives your kid a lifetime of advantage against illness.
It's also incredibly cheaper and the poop of babies who are only breastfed doesn't stink. That's not the case with formula babies.
There are reasons some people can't/won't breastfeed, but there are serious advantages to doing it if you can.

 

Point being, whether you bottle- or breast-feed, it's your choice. Each has its advantages and disadvantages.

Now after the kid, there are times you'll insist on bottle-feeding, but it won't be for the kid, and it won't be formula, either... ;D

 

Just from experience, both of my kids were breastfed. Neither one had any ear infections, colds, fevers, when they were babies. My youngest is 2 now, and just had his first ear infection a couple months ago. It was minor and doctors caught it pretty quick.
As for being a dad and a sports editor, sleeping is the toughest part. Coming home at midnight and leaving for work in the afternoon has some advantages. Day care becomes at worst a part-time deal. Neither of our two kids spent more than 16 hours a week in day care. My youngest is at day car four days a week for four hours a day. This is also a financial benefit as day care can be really expensive, especially in California. And coming home at midnight means you can take the late shift if the baby is fussy or needs a midnight change or something. Just don't let your wife catch you watching South Park with the baby. That was a little tough to explain.
But best advice I can give you is, aside from all the routine stuff, is sleep when the baby sleeps. You'll want to do all the things you can't get done when the baby is awake. Take 20 minutes and nap, then get up and do all the things you can't get done when the baby is awake. You won't get all of them done, but you will feel better about your shortcomings.

 

Here's the latest on breastfeeding in a nutshell:

The American Medical Association (AMA) recommends breastfeeding for six months.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding for a year.

Nobody recommends formula, but Harvard is filled with formula fed people.

There was a pretty good study that came out recently which debunked the I.Q. thing. What it found was this: Yes, breastfed babies have higher I.Q.s, but it's primarily because mothers who nurse are generally smarter and better informed, so their kids are genetically predisposed to be smarter-- it wasn't from the breastmilk itself.

There have been other recent studies which directly link breastmilk to a decrease in diabetes, obesity, ear infections and cancer in the mom (if she nurses BEYOND six months).

One study I just read concluded breastfed babies have more sleep problems-- IF they are breastfed beyond a year. Up to a year, no difference was seen in breastfed and formula fed babies.

In the U.S., 70% of moms leave the hospital breastfeeding; 30% make it to 6 months.

It's a huge commitment to nurse. I know a lot of working moms who nurse some and give formula some. You have to be careful doing that because nursing is a strictly supply-and-demand proposition... but it can work, too.

To a man, the husbands will tell you whatever their wives did-- breastfeeding or formula-- was the absolute BEST thing, which I think is kind of sweet.

 

PSS, if you work at an AM paper -- who doesn't any more? -- you can make the schedule work to your advantage until your kid is old enough to go to school. Use that time in the morning to spend with your kid. I'm kinda talking about after the newborn stage, which will seem much longer as you're going through it than it does when you look back on it. Take'em to the zoo or to look at waterfalls or to the museum while mommy's at work or whatever she does during the day. Just make sure you go on home when you're through putting out the paper, instead of stopping off for drinks or a milkshake or whatever. If baby's asleep when you get home, you sleep too. If not, then you take care of it. Mrs. will appreciate it.

 

Why do babies have to worry about sports information directors?

 

I wish I could be more help here but it's been four years to the month since I was caring for an infant and I've blocked most of that memory out.

That said, the best advice I can give is to make the most out of every moment. Work hard when you're at work, take over for your wife when you're at home and sap up every second of sleep available.

It's hard to do because you'll covet your free time, but when that baby's asleep that's your best time to sleep.

 

Agreed, it's nice now, but wait until your kids start going to school. They come home at 3 or 3:30 p.m. just about the time you're going to work. That's when the job or family dilemma will hit. Meeting the wife and kids for dinner won't cut it. At last job, I saw it destroy one of our best workers. His kid was a stud athlete and he rarely got to see him play. Took every bit of desire for the job out of the guy. Not saying it will happen every time, but it was enough for me to refocus my priorities.