Need some advice from dads out there

yes, that is it. but he can run his sick time to zero and get paid.

 

I have done that twice.

It can work, but you have to work at it.

1. Talk to your wife about it. A lot. Communicate as much as you can.

2. In some ways, it works *because* of the job. I would get home after deadline, feed and change the baby, maybe watch a little Sports Center with her. My wife, who had likely gotten to bed between 9 and 11 p.m., would get up in the morning, then I would take the baby after I got up, so she could sleep. You have to work together.

I did get out of the business after the kids were 3 and 6.

 

See PM

 

Go until you can go no more and then get out of the business. At least that's what I did. Much happier now, too.

 

Use the Family and Medical Leave Act to its fullest without giving up your vacation or sick leave.

It is designed for families and is not the Women and Medical Leave Act.

A friend of mine did this when his son was born. The paper tried to go psycho on him about it and he stood fast, got his time, stayed home with the family and said it was great.

Chip in at home, enjoy the time with your wife and child, dig out a quiet moment here or there for yourself and find the balance. It can be done without killing yourself.

 

1. Don't work so damn much. The kid is more imporant than you covering one more volleyball match.

2. Set a schedule so that you have some time together with your wife and kid and also (especially if your wife works) you have some time alone with the baby to give her a break. Could be mornings, afternoons, evenings -- whatever works.

3. Try very hard to be there at night and at least put the little rug rat to bed. Read books, tell stories. Let her fall asleep on your shoulder in the recliner while your read your football gamer to her. That's the best time.

4. Keep a serious eye out for another job -- at least for down the road.

 

I'm not a dad, but if I may be so bold...

For a lot of people, the biggest curveball the lack of sleep.

The baby waking up at night doesn't last forever. It's something to be "gotten through." In other words, just get yourself through it however you can.

In terms of work, tell yourself you will not win any awards during this stretch. There will be days when you do the bare minimum. Give yourself permission to do the bare minimum.

Set aside a time-- be it one day a week or one hour everyday-- where you take over care of the baby. Let your wife have that break. It's best if you take the baby OUT of the house, or if she LEAVES. Otherwise, she will be tempted to hover, pick up the baby, whatever. If you don't do this, your wife will begin to think the baby is her responsibility 24/7, and you're not helping. She will then make your life miserable with guilt trips. ;D Having that special time to herself will really give her something to look forward to and plan for.

Remember: The baby will sleep through the night eventually. Then you'll MISS the quiet, snuggly nighttime wakings... But that's another thread.

 

True enough.

USE your vacation, holiday, sick and comp time. It helps a ton.

The Family Leave Act is great, if you can afford to take 12 weeks off without getting paid. When I was at one of my past jobs, I could afford it and took all 12 weeks without a single regret. Most can't.

My advice, if it's worth much, is to not take work home if you can at all avoid it. If it's unavoidable, try hard to minimize it.

Also, when your wife is ready, hire a babysitter once or twice a month and go on a date. You two need a break and time together just as much as you need time with the kid.

When you get a chance, hand your wife the car keys and a certificate for a local day spa. She's going to be beat, so reward her with a pedicure, facial, massage or something to take her mind and body away from the unrelenting task that is raising a child.

If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper to come in and attack the house so you and your wife can skip it -- even if it's just one time.

 

I was told the rule of thumb was about one month before the baby gets day and night straight, and that held true with mine.
Now, how long it was until the baby slept completely through the night, I'm not sure -- three months? five? -- but it is a glorious thing when it finally happens.

 

I think that's considered fast. ;D

Ides gives great advice... of course, I would be the one on the receiving end of the day at the spa, so I love it!

 

Nothing sucks more than chronicling the athletic "exploits" of other people's kids while missing out on the most simple, memorable (if only you were there to etch them into memory) moments with your own kid(s).

We live bad lives for this stuff, working when other families are enjoying themselves (in the games, in the stands, in front of TVs). Either you find a way for your family to fit your schedule -- ah, those Monday afternoons together -- or you miss out. And if you take a kid with you on a road trip, for some quality time and to make up for other times away, you're being "unprofessional."

 

Oh, and change diapers, Palmetto. And if it's a boy, cover it up first.