Need opinions of parents.....

Fair enough on the boy, but I'd like to weigh in on the daughter

I think you have to be careful of being too judgmental.

To use the Chris Rock example, Tiger didn't go crazy, Tiger went Tiger.

Your kid tried to pull a fast one, but that's what kids will try to do. I think having her go up and clean her room - before she goes out - gets the point across, without the harsher punishment of missing sleepover, and being sentenced to her room.

The punishment has to fit the crime in order for it to have the rehabilitative effect. Proportional response: Too little, and it has no effect. Too much, and it works against you.

I agree wholeheartedly that your daughter tried to play you, but loving firmness works just as well as six-gun justice in that instance.

 

Thanks for sharing all of this, Zag.

I just hope your daughter is not four or five.

Good call on the boy. I was assuming he was a soph or junior in high school.

 

He said the boy is in eighth grade.

The thing with the daughter did seem a bit harsh, but we don't know the age, the kid or how often she has tried to pull that sort of thing in the past.

 

She's 11 and she is just in this phase - she's a sixth grader -- where she is trying to see what she can get away with -- like Monday night, she went to volleyball practice and we told her specifically to take a shower before she went to bed.

So about an two hours later she comes in the room with a towel on her head and in a robe -- obviously looking like she had taken a shower and says good night.

And goes to sleep. But of course, she is a hard sleeper and so she turns her tv on to watch it for a little bit and falls right asleep so every nigth I have to go into her room and turn the tv off.

So I go in - she has the towel on the floor and she is wearing the T-shirt and shorts she had practiced in -- so I feel her head and it isn't wet nor is it even damp.

Of course, I wake her little ass up and give her a lecture about not just lying but being a little sneak - I mean the towel and bathrobe shit was pretty good -- and then send her to the showers so to speak.

So this deceptive shit has just started within the past six months since she got into middle school.

 

As the parent of a 10 and 6 year old, I am not looking forward to being the parent of a 15 and 11 year old. Maybe we'll just send them away to military school, even the girl

Anyway, nice job Zag.

I think it's hard for any of us to give the right answer because we don't know just what other things you've tried with your kid or how serious of a level this soccer team is.

In general, I'd say if your kid is part of a team, you should try to establish beforehand a penalty that will affect only your kid, and not other kids on the team. However, it sounds like in your case you already tried some of those things (like the phone), and you know better than us what will really get him where it hurts.

If other kids and even parents are giving your kid grief for getting himself into this mess, it really ought to make an impact on him and correct the behavior.

Good luck. Keep us informed on how it's working out, not only your kid's schoolwork, but the reaction from the team.

 

Not a parent, but I was a kid and let me tell you, if I had slacked off at all on my school work, my parents would have done exactly what you did, zag. My parents taught me personal responsibility at an early age so by the time I was in middle school, I was doing more stuff around the house and in charge of keeping my grades up. And, of course, living in a small town, I knew if I screwed up there was no way to hide it.

You have to be tough. If you're tough now and you make them realize that if they fuck up, it's not going to fly, they'll be less of a little shit later and you'll have to deal with less of the "let's see how far we can push it" attitude that I saw from way too many of my peers in high school.

What I can't believe is the parents giving you shit for holding your kid out. If they had their priorities in the right place at all, they'd realize that the soccer team is an elective and schoolwork is not optional. For most of their kids, they won't play soccer past age 18. They just might need to know some of the stuff they're learning in school.

 

to reiterate: excellent work on both children. set the straight on how they WILL NOT be getting over on their parents. 'cause if they don't get it know there will be only more hell to pay as they get older. wait until h.s. you ain't seen nothin' yet.

little shits, they all are. soon to be bigger shits, if you don't scare 'em straight now.

 

I figured there was either some history or you were just very strict. Sounds like you handled that one exactly right given that she has been pulling that type of crap lately.

Little OOP is only six, but one of the things we have stressed to her is that she is not to ask one of us for something if the other one has already said no.

 

I'm of the opinion that an 11-year-old shouldn't have a TV in her room - or a computer

You should keep that where both what she's viewing and when can be monitored

Even if she's watching Disney. Its more important to show that it matters to you

 

Taking the door? Nice. I'll have to remember that one.

 

Mrs. OOP and I are considering that one, too. Not so much a privacy thing as little OOP slamming it a time or two while throwing a tantrum.