Need advice: Jury Duty category

Okay, so I have to go to the courthouse tomorrow for the dreaded jury duty. Just orientation and voire dire tomorrow, I guess, so here's my question: What odd behavior/deranged opinion should I employ to get dismissed from the pool?

One friend suggested I get a tee-shirt made with huge block letters that read "Hang 'em high!" while another said I should answer every question with a sly look and "Allegedly."

"Juror 165, have you ever been convicted of a felony?"
"Mmmmm. Allegedly."

"Do you think you can keep an open mind, and decide the case on the merits of the facts?"
"Eeeeeehhhhhh, allegedly."

So, guide me, oh wise ones.

 

Or maybe I can repeatedly call for "STARMAN JUSTICE!"

 

Say you've had sex with the prosecutor, regardless of his/her sex.

 

That could be interesting.

 

I understand when people need to get out of it for work/money reasons, but I loved my time on jury duty. What a great opportunity to see every level of humanity. Maybe it was the Ed Bradley-narrated video I watched in the Manhattan courtroom, but damn it, I was ready to serve. The waiting around was boring, but I had a good book so that was fine. Got called for a heroin deal trial and the defendant looked like he had two bucks to his name. Yet he had this slick lawyer who was winning everyone over with his wacky charms. I didn't end up on the jury but loved the process. I was surprised at some of the people who made it on. One guy's brother was an NYPD detective but the defense attorney was fine with him.

People were dismissed right away when they said they'd been the victim of a crime before, so maybe that would work for you.

 

I'm a Browns and Indians fan, survived Red Right 88, the Drive, the Fumble and Jose Mesa's friggin' inability to get the Marlins out in Game 7 of the World Series. Close enough?

 

My wife actually made it onto a jury that heard a statutory rape case. They acquited the guy after barely an hour of deliberations, largely because the "victim" (who was 14 at the time) got on the stand and told about three different stories. Wife said the defendant was a real sleaze who probably did it, but there was no way they could convict him of it, because the girl's testimony was so completely unbelievable.

 

I blame you for the nightmares I will have tonight. I hope you get jury duty for a four-month case.

 

I'm told a sure-fire way for a guy to get dismissed is to wear a bowtie.

 

There's some damned fine advice. Hadn't thought of it. Thanks, STG!

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