Need advice: How do you deal with wife's affair, divorce?

Another thought hit me. She's a dumb bitch. Sorry for saying that but if this guy left his family for her what in the name of fuckdom does she think he's going to do to her? Let this boat go far into the night. The sooner she's in the back view mirror, the better off you will be.

 

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Thank you. As for the one about kids, I see that he doesn't have any but I've counseled so may who have, it's sort of second nature to throw that in as a habit. This guy is going to be fine. He's hurt. He's embarrassed. He's angry. He's frightened about the future. He's got a lot of emotions rolling up inside him. He needs time to sort them out but definitely doesn't need to run away from his problem because it will still be there. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't run away from yourself.
This is something that he's going to have to deal with and he will, I'm sure of it. Right now, he's hurting and trying to find a way to ease the pain. That's perfectly understandable.

 

You copied the wrong one. Wikepedia has one for divorce advice without kids also.

 

Boom, this is not the time be an asshole. This guy needs help, not a stupid wikipedia advice comment. Grow the fuck up. There is a time for stupidity. This isn't one of those times.

 

a tsunami of tstupid.

 

Is it OK to post the Upper Deck picture now that the thread has been derailed?

 

Thank you all. I knew I could count on SJ.

Some notes after a night of drinking -- I'm seeing a counselor now. Have to. I'm downright depressed at this point. About once a day I hit a real low point mentally...

I've seen a lawyer already. He said everything you all have said -- go in and take out my half of the money from all our accounts and close every joint account. Better to take it and have to give it back than lose it and have to get it back, he said. We really have no debt except the mortgage, but as you all have noted, there's nothing stopping her from buying a new plasma TV and car stereo system at this point. Lawyer said that if she wants to stay in the house and I don't care, that's fine, but if so I should quit paying for my half of the mortgage. And I can expect alimoney, which makes me smile. She makes twice what I make because she teaches at an inner-city school and has her master's and coaches tennis, while i'm a sports journalist.

As for living at the house, I just don't want to now. Too painful. Too many things there I'd rather forget. And honestly, I'm probably not in a position to be staying by myself at this point, especially not there. But last night I actually spent the night drinking with and then crashed at the house of a couple my age that lives two houses down from my wife and I. They're pretty much the only friends I have now, and we were never really that close before, hanging out once a month or so. It was strange to know my wife was there, in my house, two doors away, and I'm staying in the neighbors' basement. Quite a turn my life has taken to get me to that point.

 

You know, sometimes some folks on here need to grow the hell up.

Not, Drip's advice is very solid ... just as are those by Philosopher and Cadet and 95 percent of the posts on this thread. Ignore the idiots who want to derail it or belittle it just because they have nothing better to do than take cheap shots at the person who posted it.

Keep soldiering on, and know there are plenty of us here for you.

 

First of all, I'm praying for you Not.
Get out of the basement. You aren't a troll. It's understandable that you don't want to stay in the house. But don't allow her to stay there either. If you have to start over, she should start over too. Both of you get your belongings out, seal the house.
Drinking is good for one night, but don't use it as a crutch. Once you sober up, you'll find yourself with a headache still battling the same problems you had before that first drink.
Again, this is NOT the end of the world. YOU WILL SURVIVE AND YOU WILL BE A MUCH STRONGER PERSON.
When you feel that the drinks don't taste that good or the neighbor's couch is too lumpy and you're finding things between the cushions, the PM line is open for you.

 

No, call it for what it is: What a bitch that woman is to put you in this position.

Be mad at her. Don't try to rationalize her behavior, no matter how much you love her. You did not deserve this. If she wanted to fuck someone else, she should have had the common decency to end the relationship with you and then go fuck him.

It is not OK that she treated you this way. She's either a bad person or a good person who did a really bad thing. To you. And that's not OK.

I understand that you don't want to stay in the house, I really get that, but you need to not make it so easy for her. As Moddy said, change the locks. You don't need to sleep there, but make it so she can't, either. You need to take the upper hand on this one, so that even if you're staying in your buddy's basement it's by choice, because you're in control.

I'm glad you'll be getting alimony. Even if you can make it on your paycheck alone and don't want the alimony, don't decline it. Put it in a savings account. If you still can't stand to use her money, in a year or two you'll have a nice donation for a charity. But don't decline the alimony.