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NBA Column

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by Jewelz, Jul 24, 2007.

  1. Jewelz

    Jewelz New Member

    This is my first post and Column. Tell me what you think, negative and positive. Thanks

    What was Stern Doing?

    NBA commissioner David Stern was to busy focusing on what players wore, rather then focusing on a real problem that was right under his nose.

    Before the 05-06 NBA Season, Stern Changed the Dress code policy to give the NBA a more professional feel, and move away from the “thug” image. Some players embraced it, others like Allen Iverson thought the rule was made to target them. When asked about the rule Iverson said, "They’re targeting guys who dress like me, guys who dress hip-hop... I think they went way overboard." Stern was trying to repair the image of the NBA.

    Stern also felt the need to change the basketball that has been used since the 1970's. There was never any complaints about the old ball, but Stern felt the need to change it for some reason, that even he never could explain. Several players and coaches voiced there negative opinions about the ball and it was changed halfway through the 06-07 season.
    Stern has been busy dealing with fines, suspensions and other troubles that has to deal with being a commissioner in the NBA. Some would even say stern has done a good job, until these recent events came into play.

    NBA referee Tim Donaghy has been accused of betting on games he officiated and point shaving. Wow, can anybody believe this, stuff like this does not happen in the NBA. Mark Cuban has pointed out many times that he believed some NBA games were fixed, it turns out he was right. Cuban said this many times after a Mavericks loss or a call he did not like.. No one would listen to him ,NBA fans just looked at him as a crazed Mavs owner who complains over every call made against his team. Stern who paid absolutely no attention to Cuban, hit him with fine after fine. Stern never made any investigations on Cubans accusations.

    In January 2005 the NBA got word of Donaghy’s gambling habits and they moved quickly to start an investigation on him. They found out that he might have made bets in Atlantic city. The NBA could not prove he did so they banned him from working the second round of the playoffs, what a punishment. On July 20 FBI officials told the NBA the Donaghy has ties with the mafia and he has been making bets on games and point shaving.

    What was Stern doing in these 2 years that was more important than watching one of your officials who has already been put under investigation? I can only guess, maybe he was thinking about what foreign players to bring over, or he was thinking about a new rule change that the players and coaches hate, but he loves.

    I’m pretty sure if Ron Artest was accused of fixing games, or betting on them, that he would have been suspended, even before the investigation was started. Artest now looks like a model citizen, he has not hurt the NBA more than this has.

    What’s will Stern do next? Only time will tell, will he make a new rule where players cannot wear braids, or they have to cover their tattoos? One thing is for sure, Stern now has a major problem where he cannot make a stupid rule which he seems to love to do.
  2. Chad Conant

    Chad Conant Member

    Read what you write, first and foremost. You won't catch everything you do, but you can fix some of your own copy. For instance ...

    "David Stern was to busy focusing on what players wore, rather then focusing" - You make two grammatical errors. Stern was TOO busy ... rather THAN focuusing

    Honestly, there are a ton of simple grammar errors in here. Nothing makes a piece harder to read than missing simple grammar.

    How experienced are you as a writer? To be blunt, this reads like the first thing you've written.
  3. Appgrad05

    Appgrad05 Active Member

    First of all, thanks for posting.
    Secondly, what type of publication was this for?
    Chad is right, there were quite a few grammatical errors that need to be fixed.
    The good news is that you have a hell of an idea for a story. Was Stern too busy putting new fixtures on the kitchen cabinets and overlooking the termites?
    But you have to sell that point. My biggest issue reading this was that you spend so much time on the background, you seem to forget the present.
    Also, tidy up the language. For example,

    One thing is for sure, Stern now has a major problem where he cannot make a stupid rule which he seems to love to do.

    Stupid is a fine word if you're a third grade bully. Not so much in the professional word. How about,

    One thing for sure, Stern now has a major problem that cannot be fixed with another simple rule.

    It's almost entirely your sentence construction and wording, but dropping "stupid" for "simple." The reader will understand what that means.
  4. tapintoamerica

    tapintoamerica Well-Known Member

    I suggest you read the transcript of Stern's press conference today. In it, he describes the extent of the NBA's internal security procedures. If, after reading that description, you deem the self-policing to be substandard, you can keep your argument. Just do all the homework you can before accusing someone of dereliction of duty and misplaced priorities.
  5. Jewelz

    Jewelz New Member

    Thanks for the comments. I'm in 12th grade and I was just writing it to write it, i do not work for any publications or anything. I knew there would be tons of Grammatical errors but I just wanted to see how I would do. Thanks
  6. Well, you'll do significantly worse in this field if you turn in work that you know has "tons of grammatical errors." Your idea is fine, but your execution is off. If you want people to take you seriously, even a cursory self-edit will go a long way toward making that happen.
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