Name my sports column

I've been at my current shop for eight weeks and Sunday I debut my column. Per newspaper policy, all our columns must have a title. Our managing editor's column is 30something. Our editor's column is A Letter to our Readers. I am suffering from title block. I've got a few cheesy ideas, but this is something I'm going to be stuck with. So if you've got any ideas -- something funny, something punchy, something classy, just something -- I'm open to suggestions.

P.S. And yes I realize having a sports column title is a stupid-ass idea. I don't like it, but I'm stuck with it.

P.S.S. Sarcastic responses are expected and appreciated, though not very helpful. But feel free nonetheless. ;D

 

"Riding the Pine"

"Smeared Eyeliner"

Hey, they worked for me.

 

"Fuck your hard-working JV son or daughter"

 

Read this or die.

 

Good stuff so far.

I'm a dude and in a red state. It would be my first and last column.

 

How 'bout a little reverse psychology?:

DON'T
READ
THIS

 

Could throw them a curveball:

JIM
MURRAY

 

You mean you're not an emo boy? Who'd have thunk it?

 

With you, I'm surprised "Head Over (High) Heels" wasn't suggested.

 

Sorry, me and a friend of mine did that in college. I think we copyrighted it. Or maybe we just got drunk.

 

How about "I wish I was Jay Mariotti"?

 

Nice one, Sam.