My Peter King Moment

OK, so I'm on the road without a laptop, so I decide to use the business center at the hotel. They have a lovely computer set-up that's arms-length from the soda machine. Except that they've got some kind of NSA site-blocking thing rigged up that blocks practically every damn site you can imagine based on a "family values" list of forbidden words dreamed up by someone with a lurid imagination. I had to do the Matthew Broderick thing from Wargames just to get through here -- BYH's Nick Saban rant sent this thing into orbit.
Or I could just do some work.

 

I think Homeland Security is on to you, FB.

 

They're not competent enough to set up a system this good.
However, how are home prices in Churchill these days?

 

I'm sure this Bush's fault, right F_B? ;D

 

Again, he's not competent enough to set up this good a system. However, in the interest of bipartisan comity, I will say that HRC has been just as big a noodge on computer decency as anyone else alive.

 

I was going to have breakfast.
Time for Plan B, I think.

 

If you move to Churchill, you BUILD your own house.

Oh, and it's -31C there today. That's about -26F

 

Nice to see that the Doright family is still involved in local law-enforcement.
Just to add to my overall grumpiness, I have just discovered that my hotel has bird calls for Muzak in the lobby.

 

So there I was, just aching for a Mountain Dew since this hotel does not have Starbucks in the lobby (completely outrageous, letter to hotel chain president to follow) so I explain to the concierge that I am Peter King and need a soda, pronto, because I am just not going to pay $7 for a soda from the minibar (second letter to hotel chain president to follow). Fortunately the young man is a Brett Favre fan, and orders a bellman to take me to the business center, which houses the only soda machine in the building. I thank the bellman but felt a tip would be inappropriate since I had been so completely inconvenienced in the first place.

I get to the business center, and look for an open work station--somehow I have lost the charger to my laptop, I suspect Costas swiped it, he is always sneaking around my stuff. There is one open computer (I'm sure when the guy got back from the bathroom he understood why I had to move his stuff, I left him a note explaining I was Peter King), so I put down my stuff, and hop over to the soda machine.

AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE: there is no Mountain Dew in that machine. Caffeine Free Pepsi, Diet Sprite, and a very dusty looking Grape Fanta. I stand there stunned...what would Brett do? This is all about forcing people to use the minibar, I am positive. But now I have no choice, I am going to be stuck with that Fanta. One dollar and twenty-five cents for a Fanta. Unreal. I slide two bucks into the machine, out comes the Fanta which looks like it has been there since Mike Ditka played for the Cowboys. But no change. I wait, but there is no change. And believe me, I am not willing to pay $2 for a Grape Fanta. I tap the machine...nothing. Tap a little harder....nothing. Well, you can imagine how aggravating this was, so I bumped it just a tad harder....you would think I was Jerome Bettis the way that thing shattered into a thousand pieces. What a mess, plexiglass and Sprite everywhere. And still no change.

Of course I told the lady in the business center that NBC would pay for the damage, minus the missing change. Probably would have been easier to expense it to SI, but since it was Costas who stole the charger, I figure this should be an NBC issue.

Note to self, remind idiot travel agent to only use hotels with Starbucks in lobby.

 

Man, the faux Peter King rants never get old for me, especially when 21 is the author. As usual, well done.

 

I say, 21, good shew!

There's still some life left in the old broa--uh, board.

 

Yeah, what he said...