My New Neighbor -- What to Do?

The family Webster finally broke down and moved to the burbs about a month ago. During the time that we were negotiating on our house and during the closing process, we got to know our next door neighbors, whose house was built by the same company as ours. The neighbors, who are about 10 years older than us and who have lived in their house for three years, seemed like a nice and helpful couple and gave us a lot of tips on things to look for in our new town. Their house looks like it should be in a magazine -- everything both inside and outside is super nice and they obviously spend a lot of time to keep it looking good.

After we closed, the husband began offering "suggestions" and what I need to do to make my brand new house nicer. He didn't like my fence, didn't like my lawn, had a problem with the way that the front steps were built. Didn't like the windows, the location of the outdoor lights or the paving on the driveway. Some of his comments made sense, but others were ridiculous. He also is obsessed with his lawn and constantly tells me how I should improve my lawn. Pretty much every time that I talk to him, he wants to discuss things which need to be done to my house.

Apartment renting Webster would have told him to have a nice tall glass of STFU. But, he is likely going to be my neighbor for the next 15 years. His kids, dog and wife are all nice, but I'm reaching a boiling point. Last night, I was putting out the garbage at about 11 and he wanted to talked to me about "my weed problem". I just paid a bunch of guys to pick out all of the weeds and I can't see more than a handful in either the front or back yards.

What the heck do I do to: 1) get him to back off; and 2) allow us to have a civil relationship.

 

Find a dandelion. Blow it into his yard.

 

Smile and nod.

 

Don't know if this is the best advice but I'd just avoid him. A confrontation, as much as I appreciate a good one, doesn't do you any good in this case. Next time he tries to call you over let him know you're in a hurry or you can't hear him and go back in doors.

He'll back off eventually.

 

Comet bomb his lawn.

Personally, I'm a STFU kind of guy, but there are always more tactful ways of going about things like that. See what a simple, "I appreciate the suggestions, but ..." does.

 

OR ... next time he starts harping tell him, "You know, I think you should paint your house red."

And if he keeps going on about the weeds, tell him you'll get to it when you finish the Mrs.' S&M room she always wanted ...

 

You know what you could do, if you could live with it, is paint the side of your house that faces his some god-awful color.

You don't live in one of those controlled neighborhoods, with the bullshit community organization that mandates you paint your house every few years and all that crap, do you?

 

Ignore him. Just talk about something else whenever he goes on and on.

 

Get the kids a drum set and put it in the garage.

 

sleep with his wife, on his yard.

 

Although easier said than done, you need to nip this in the bud right away or he's going to make your life miserable.

A measured diplomatic response is what you need --a polite way of saying, "Mind your own goddam business".

"With all due respect, we've just moved in and we have to establish our priorities as far as the house is concerned. There's work that we want done inside the house first."

Something like that. Or when he goes on and on, just say, "Hey, how about the Senators signing Ray Emery?" He'll have no idea what you're talking about and will think you're just plain nuts.

And, avoid him like the plague wherever possible.

 

I think you need to go with jerk store. Jerk store is the line.