1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

My latest new sports feature

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by Patrick Murphy, Jul 27, 2020.

  1. Patrick Murphy

    Patrick Murphy New Member

    maumann likes this.
  2. maumann

    maumann Well-Known Member

    You got the nuts and bolts down. I wish you had a stronger lede that made me want to know why this story matters and how they relate to each other. (It also doesn't help that the headline is stolen directly from your first sentence.)

    Maybe:

    "Riser Middle School's principal, a prominent Memphis sportswriter and Navy's sports information director may have taken different career paths, but all three have two things in common. One, they grew up in the Miss-Lou. Two, they share a passion for sports.

    "How they got to where they are today has a lot to do with what they accomplished on local playing fields during their formative years."
     
    Vombatus likes this.
  3. maumann

    maumann Well-Known Member

    Also, I was left wondering if they knew each other. I think you could have meshed the stories together just a bit more instead of telling them under separate subheads. The idea of tying the story together only requires a transition graf.

    Something like, "While Munz was pursuing a possible career in sportswriting, Whitehead -- one year behind him at Cathedral -- was starring on the football field."
     
  4. maumann

    maumann Well-Known Member

    One last thought. To me, the guy who came back home and became the coach at his alma mater, then a middle school principal who many of your readers may know personally, is the one they may care most about, even if the sportswriter and SID have more impressive jobs. He's definitely worthy of being written about first (and hell, I'd want to read more about his life in an in-depth feature).
     
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page