My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84

I was going to give more advance notice, but my weekend car accident screwed up my plans. Yesterday I wasn't in the mood. Today, I need a conduit to have some fun for the next two hours or so.

Forty-four folks voted in the June 9, 1984 re-poll. Fifty songs were on the nomination list. Here's the 10 that didn't make the cut (with point total and original chart position)...

50. Obscene Phone Caller, Rockwell (was 48th, 13 points)
49. Modern Day Delilah, Van Stephenson (was 35th, 15)
48. Love Will Show Us How, Christine McVie (was 36th, 21)
47. Breakin', Ollie & Jerry (was 53rd, 22)
46. It's A Miracle, Culture Club (was 19th, 24)
45. Breakdance, Irene Cara (was 11th, 28)
44. To All The Girls I've Love Before, Julio Iglesias & Willie Nelson (was 7th, 35)
43. She Don't Know Me, Bon Jovi (was 86th, 44)
42. Stay The Night, Chicago (was 26th, 46)
41. The Ghost In You, Psychedelic Furs (was 59th, 66)

The countdown rolls on in a few minutes ...

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

SJ's BYH will be debuting something special later this week. I dare you all to take at least eight seconds to check it out.

Now ... on with the countdown.

White Rabbit. Someone To Love. Volunteers. There was a time when Jefferson Airplane was at the height of the youth counterculture.

Compare and contrast with Jefferson Starship's 1980s output. They went from revolution to doing much to further the career of Andrew McCarthy and the Mannequin movie series.

This is one of the better pieces of shit they recorded when they went into full-on sellout mode. And Father Guido Sarducci! Oh so relevant in '84!

At No. 40 in the re-poll, No Way Out from the seminal Nuclear Furniture LP featuring actor extraordinaire Mickey Thomas ...

40. No Way Out, Jefferson Starship (37th in '84, 67 points)

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

The English duo The Eurthymics come in a No. 39. I dug this song, but at the time Annie Lennox scared the hell out of me. I thought she was a cyborg lesbian.

On the other hand, I thought Dave Stewart was an oversized wombat from one of those 1970s Bert I. Gordon-style, Food Of The Gods-like movies.

At No. 39, the Eurthymics with Who's That Girl ...

39. Who's That Girl, Eurthymics (28th in '84, 78 points)

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p.m.)

I am shocked that "Obscene Phone Caller" finished last...Shocked!

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

Bookmark.

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

I didn't know much about fucking in 1984, much less than I know now, which is not terribly considerable.

I knew Shalamar's Dancing In The Sheets was about sex, but not knowing much about sex, I thought there was a 10 percent possibility I would actually have to dance at some point during the sex act, which terrified me, because I suck at dancing. I feared sucking at sex. Fortunately, those fears were unfounded.

At No. 38, would-be funksters Shalamar check in with Dancing In The Sheets.

38. Dancing In The Sheets, Shalamar (23rd in '84, 78 points)

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

Twins I like more than the Thompson Twins ...

Rod Carew, Joe Mauer (bitch that he is), Barber twins, Popsicle twins, Nelson, Wilson Phillips (were any of them they twins?), I could go on, you get the jist.

I fucking hate the Thompson Twins.

At No. 37, the dickwad pair from the ass end of jolly ole England. It's -- ugh -- the first of two of their songs in the countdown. Doctor, Doctor ...

37. Doctor Doctor, Thompson Twins (33rd in '84, 82 points)

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p.m.)

No Kent Hrbek? Harmon Killebrew? Dan Gladden? Gary Gaetti? Kirby Puckett?

For shame ...

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

Throughout the countdown, we'll come across plenty of groups and singers that once had artistic credibility, but which eventually followed the primrose path to album profits by sucking the dick of A&R men on their way to selling out to the gods of Adult Contemporary accessibility.

No artist quite personifies that tag quite like Rod Stewart.

The Rod Stewart career progression goes something like this ... shy 60s lead vocalist of Jeff Beck Group, too-good-to-be-true folkie, bad ass cock rocker with the Faces, and for a few minutes around '72 or so, the perfect blend of cock rocker and folkie.

Then 'round '74 or so the trend began. He became a little too introspective with shit like The Killing Of Georgie. When disco hit a few years later, he dove in. New wave? Sure. Movie soundtrack songs? Fucking A. Tom Waits remakes as filtered through Michael Bolton? Why not!

By the mid 90s, the former cock rocker had gone so far astray, doing covers of Cole Porter tunes, etc., that he literally grew a vagina. One that moistened when he could sing a song penned by Diane Warren.

Rod The Mod. What happened?

At No. 36, we have a brief stab at rock relevance saved only by the presence of (then-unemployed) one-time band mate Jeff Beck. Infatuation!

36. Infatuation, Rod Stewart (32nd in '84, 89 points)

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p.m.)

The Thompson Twins were a trio. Just saying.

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p

Did anyone in the history of man ever buy a Howard Jones album? He got a lot of airplay and MTV love. A year later, Things Can Only Get Better was all over the radio. An undeniable hit.

All of that said, I've known absolutely no one in my life who ever owned, or considering owning, a Howard Jones album. He just seemed there, not offensive, not great.

Here he is with one of his early hits ... What Is Love.

35. What Is Love, Howard Jones (41st in '84, 94 points)

 

Re: My heart beats silly like a big bass drum ... Re-Poll '84 (starts at 11:30 p.m.)

To quote either Lester Bangs, Greil Marcus, or Robert Christgau "No one has ever squandered their talent so completely".