1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

My first two articles for new rag

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by JD, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. JD

    JD Member

    I recently just got a job with a MediaNews paper here in Northern California......I started Wednesday, and wrote two season previews on a local community college's volleyball and soccer teams......I went in with NO knowledge of the teams or area, so let me know what you think:





    Feedback is greatly appreciated!!!! The Asst. SE said he's liked my stuff so far, so I am just trying to gauge it a little more.
  2. Garner

    Garner Member

    In the lede of your volleyball story, you mistakenly state the Falcons are opening the regular season. I stopped reading at that point. Epic fail.
  3. JD

    JD Member

    Why is that an epic fail?
  4. budcrew08

    budcrew08 Active Member

    What? Why is that epic fail?
  5. budcrew08

    budcrew08 Active Member

    Just read the volleyball one.. that's REALLY short for a season preview, imho. It's pretty good for having no knowledge of the team or the coach or anything, but there's definitely some room for improvement. It's 4:20 a.m. here on the East Coast... otherwise, I'd go through and edit and give you some constructive criticism. I definitely will get to it, though, JD.

    PM me if you have any questions. I work for MNG too.
  6. GB-Hack

    GB-Hack Active Member

    As far as the soccer is concerned, I would stay away from using words like perfect when the coach says in the following paragraph that there was room for improvement.

    Soccer, unlike baseball and softball is not a game of perfection. Here's what I would have done differently:

    Second-half goals by sophomore forward Kellie Detweiler and junior foward Katie Knopp sparked the victory, while former Will C. Wood High School goalie Amanda Radich recorded a shutout in her first college game, making xx saves.

    While the win was satisfying to Coach Jeff Cardinal, he added that there was work to be done if the team was going to defend its Bay Valley Conference title.

    "It feels good," Cardinal said. "But I know we need to play a little bit better team soccer. Our passing wasn't the way I want it to be."

    Solano returns 10 sophomores, and adds a class of 17 freshmen, but the youth of the squad doesn't concern Cardinal. Last season his team had 16 freshmen and only six sophomores, and in addition to winning a conference title it finished with an overall record of 15-6-2.

    "We have a lot of sophomores returning," Cardinal said. "Their experience will definitely help us this year. They know what to expect, and confidence-wise that should play well for us."
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page