My dad - can anyone top this?

When it comes to all-around a-holeness, my dad is just in a league of his own. My family spent a weekend with my parents for a wedding in Vegas last month. Here are the lowlights, all in a 48-hour period.

*He spent an hour with my 14 and 15 year old kids. Here are the following texts I got from my son:
-We are stopping at a video poker machine

-He is making us press the buttons

-We got in trouble

My kids said that he mimicked the Asian waitress who chastised him regarding underaged gambling, (he didn't understand that "they're with me" is not an adequate excuse) by uttering Chinese gibberish, and then said "remember Pearl Harbor".

*During the wedding, after looking at the gorgeous bridesmaids, he said to my son, "Do you think these are hookers from the Strip?"

*Driving on the interstate 15 after the wedding, and passing Martin Luther King Blvd, he said, "Why would they name a street after that asshole?"

*Explained to me that "Phil Jackson is an asshole. He can't coach".

*various other small moments, including a reference to Sigfried and Roy and their tigers, which really isn't printable.

As we left Sunday morning in separate cars (we happened to be at the parking structure of our hotel at the same time), he asked me to let them follow him out. This is a guy who has been to Vegas 200 times in his life. Interstate 15 has never changed in that time.
I could not bear the thought of them stopping for another smoke break, then driving 10 miles an hour and me missing them through a light.

Instead, I gave him the following directions: "Right on Flamingo drive, until you hit the 15. Take the 15 south."


He took the 15 North, and I received this text message on the way back to LA:

> From: x@txt.att.net <x@txt.att.net>
> Subject:

> (Me) you suck because you wod not wait for us to follow you i turn
> wrong on freewy an cost me a los of 45 min i wond what (my brother) would
> have done?
>
> --
> ==================================================================
> This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T
>

Quite the peach. Anyone else got a dad like this?

 

This explains so much.

 

Outing alert:

Poindexter's dad:

 

Is your father a retired schoolteacher, perchance?

 

You are cordially invited to Thanksgiving 2009.

 

The gratuitous dig at me with "What would (my brother) have done?" was especially sweet, given that in the last 10 years, he took my brother out of his will (and back in) and then went another year not talking to him, after leaving an invective-filled voice mail regarding my brother's (lack of male genitalia) after getting mad about something.


Growing up, one time on a vacation, we hung out in the parking lot of a Howard Johnson's - I ate my ice cream cone as my dad was inside, arguing that all our cones should be free since they advertised "32 flavors", but the store only had 30 that day.

 

Wow. Your kids' initial texts were funny, though.

 

One Thanksgiving, maybe 1985, after a tension-filled meal, I was upstairs and heard the following exchange between my dad and his brother:

"You're an asshole"
"No, you're an asshole"
"You're a double asshole"

The holiday festivities quickly broke up after that.

 

Your Dad should have a reality show.