My articles

Re: HS Basketball Game Story: No Pope, No Problem for Gaels

You're never flawless. No one is.
Seems like you're learning quickly, though, which is good. Remember, the best gamers not only tell you what happened, but why/how it happened; what it means in the grand scheme of things; and where the teams go from here. When you can do all that in 500-600 words, you'll be doing all right.
And don't sweat that number if you're around 800 right now on basketball stories. For some reason, basketball gamers are easy to get carried away on. You hit the highlights and the other points I mentioned, and if you stray anywhere near play-by-play you'll get to 700 or 800 words in no time.
When it comes to basketball, another good rule of thumb is that if the game is tied at halftime your story hasn't been written yet (unless there's already been a 20-point comeback or something like that).

 

Re: HS Basketball Game Story: No Pope, No Problem for Gaels

I feel I have improved a great amount since the last time I've posted in this thread.

Here's my latest article:

http://nyhoops.com/new/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=557:no-pinkston-no-problems&catid=34:nyhoops&Itemid=71

Any feedback or anything would be great. thanks.

 

No Pinkston, No Problems

When teams learn that they will be without their best player, they respond in one of two ways: they become mentally defeated and appear lost on the court or they motivate themselves and step up. In Bishop Loughlin's case, they lost Jayvaugh Pinkston for an indefinite period of time but have responded by doing the latter.

On homecoming night, the Lions (14-8) defeated Xaverian (9-11) 55-39, marking their second consecutive win without Pinkston.

"We can't replace Jayvaugh so it isn't really about replacing him," Bishop Loughlin head coach Rudy King said. "... It is not about stepping up more; it's about them doing their job. We stress balance. In practice we don't have a starting team or a 'second crew.' We mix it up all of the time. It's about taking advantage of the opportunity."

Balanced scoring is what King got. Senior Trevon Hamlet scored 16, Brandon Frazier 13, Shamoree Strawn 10, and Antione Brown 7.

For Xaverian head coach Jack Alesi, however, he got almost nothing offensively.

In the second quarter, the Clippers' offense played as if they were missing a star player: lackluster ball movement, recklessness with the ball, and consistently missing open looks. It was not until the 1:47 mark when the Clippers scored their first point of the quarter, off a free throw from Immanuel Thomas. The team would not score again until early in the 3rd.

"We are not exactly the Phoenix Suns out there," Xaverian head coach Jack Alesi said. "Scoring baskets is like root canals for us: we know it's difficult. ... I really don't think it's shocking for us to score only 39 points or one point in a quarter."

Seniors Jamal Fuentes (8) and Rasheem King (10) both picked up the slack in the 3rd quarter, leading the team to an 8-2 run.

King's strong drive to the basket with 4:14 remaining in the 3rd, turned into an old fashioned three-point play, cutting Loughlin's lead to four, 30-26.

"We didn't really panic [after the second quarter]," said King, who has drawn interest from Rhode Island, St. Peter's, Manhattan, and Marist. He will make his decision after the playoffs. "... I just picked it up. I got aggressive."

After that spurt, however, Loughlin amplified the intensity. Led by Frazier's eight consecutive points in the 4th, the Lions went on a 17-5 run, extending their lead to sixteen, 49-33.

Despite the loss, the Clippers remain confident about surprising a team or two in the playoffs.

"If you look at our team, we have talent but not the names," King said. "When you don't have the names you are defintely going to be overlooked but we are playing well towards the playoffs. That's where we will make our run."

Loughlin will use this win as a confidence boost, as well as a taste of the playoffs.

"Good teams that go through all of the stuff we are going through, still find a way to win," coach King said. "We were able to do that tonight. ... It was a good character win for us tonight. This was a game we could have lost."



Xaverian will try to turn it around against Rice on Sunday at 3:30.

While Loughlin will try to carry this momentum against Union (NJ) today at 1:30.

 

You sorta buried the lede. Try to be less wordy and explain what happened in the game as early as possible.

For example: Even without Jayvaugh Pinkston, Bishop Laughlin stepped up with a 55-39 win over Xaverian Friday night. (Or whenever it was).

Also, you are correct when you list the team records on second reference. But you only did it once. But Xaverian's record after you refer to them by the nickname. You don't necessarily have to list both records in the same sentence. Sometimes it will take a while to get the second record in, especially if the story isn't focusing on the losing team.


Also at the end, I was perturbed by this sentence, "Xaverian will try to turn it around against Rice"

This is going to sound snarky, but what team doesn't want to turn it around after a loss? If you are really interested in putting that they want to turn it around try getting it in quote form. But even then, it's not a big deal. Of course they want to turn it around.

Not a bad story though. I think all of us on these boards made these mistakes when we were just beginning. In a few years you will look back on your old articles and be amazed with how much you have learned.

 

A few small style things:
* One space between sentences.
* It's third, not 3rd, and fourth, not 4th.
* It's toward, not towards. Same with afterward and afterwards.
* Like my last editor would always say, you must love Jack Alesi. You mention him by his first name twice. Last names only on second reference.
* In most cases, use contractions instead of "has not", "was not", etc.
* This...
"The team would not score again until early in the 3rd."
... is TV speak. Don't do that in print. Just say "The team didn't score again until early in the third."
* Save the uniform numbers in parentheses for cutlines. There's no need for them in stories.

Other stuff:
* I agree with Mustang that the lede was a bit wordy.
* Not sure if it's you or your editors, but it's odd the headline was the same on this story as the last one you posted. Somebody's lacking some originality there.
* Some good quotes in there. You're doing a good job with your interviews. The "root canal" quote is a strong lead quote in a lot of stories (not here, of course, but if you were writing from the Xaverian point of view it's a money quote).
* It has its place, but try to avoid the phrase "step up". It's coachspeak.
* This paragraph...
"In the second quarter, the Clippers' offense played as if they were missing a star player: lackluster ball movement, recklessness with the ball, and consistently missing open looks. It was not until the 1:47 mark when the Clippers scored their first point of the quarter, off a free throw from Immanuel Thomas. The team would not score again until early in the 3rd."
... could've used a few stats mixed in. How many turnovers did they have? What was their shooting percentage. Don't get bogged down in numbers, but if they had 10 turnovers in the quarter or shot 20 percent from the field, it backs up your argument that they sucked.

* On the whole, not bad. Not great, but not bad. You still have some style issues to work on, but on the whole it's a decent effort for a young'un.

 

"When teams learn that they will be without their best player, they respond in one of two ways: they become mentally defeated and appear lost on the court or they motivate themselves and step up."

There are few times when an general statement is lede-worthy. That's my main quip.

Keep it up. You've certainly shown improvement and will be a step ahead in college.

 

The above lede is also a false dichotomy. Those are assuredly not the only two possible team reponses from an injured player.