Most embarrassing story ever (as shared by Craig Ferguson)

For those of your working tonight, or those who don't watch Craig Ferguson, he just dropped a great story on Denis Leary. Leary was talking about things he used to do to his brother, including taking a lighter to his record collection.

"Then, he'd come home and put on those huge 70s headphones, put on a record and I'd be laughing my ass off because all he'd hear was 'mwoo-wrah-woo!' because I'd melted all his records."

So, that prompts Ferguson to share his story about huge 70s headphones.

"I've got a story about those headphones. I had a friend who, after a night out, came home, got undressed and put on his headphones. You couldn't hear a thing around you when you were wearing them. And, as he's listening to music, he closed his eyes... and proceeds to perform... an act of self-massage. So, he, uh... finishes up... and he opens his eyes. And there, on the nightstand beside the bed, was a sandwich and a glass of milk."

Wow. Just, wow.

 

For some reason, I don't get it.

 

His mom apparently walked in on him, mid-wank, and he didn't realize it. She left the sandwich and milk.

 

Well, that was nice of her.

 

Said Leary: "I think I would have run away from home." Agreed. The breakfast table the next morning would have been unbelievably uncomfortable.

 

Anyone else reminded of a Stephen Lynch song?

 

"Living at home" would have been an essential part of the story/joke.

 

To mom's credit... she thought the kid worked up an appetite.

 

I can't believe that had to be explained...

 

wouldn't it have been his mum since he was across the pond.

 

To quote Geoff Peterson:

Boner.

I heart CraigyFerg. Biggest man-crush ever!

 

I think Rick Pitino's court testimony is more embarassing.