Most embarrassing moment.

Oh, shit. I forgot about this moment until Angola's story.

When I was younger, there were a few things I absolutely hated. I despised cleaning up my messes, visiting my cousins in Mexico, N.Y., leaving my grandma's house and wearing underwear. Well, the latter got me in quite the pickle one afternoon.

I think I was in second grade because I was trotting around in New York Giants-colored Zubaz. Oh, how they were lovely. That morning, I decided to pull a fast one on my mother and ditched the underwear she laid out for me. "Why wear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I can free-ball it?" I thought, though probably with different terminology. And off to school I went.

It was just a shame we had physicals that afternoon. So, in a single file, all the boys from my second-grade class march to the nurse's office where she instructed us to take off our shirts and pants, so we were only wearing our underwear. As my classmates disrobed, I stood there, shirtless and bargaining with Christ for an escape. I didn't get one.

The nurse came over to me and said, "Mike, why are you still wearing your pants?" I whisper in her ear, "Um, I'm not wearing any underwear." (Now that I think about it, I've probably whispered that into at least one other girl's ears, but I was as timid that time.) So the nurse, obviously disappointed in me, told me I could just wear my Zubaz into the physical.

Obviously, I had to tell everyone else in the office because I was a big fucking schmuck and, at the time, a real shitty liar -- like anything could have saved my ass there, with the exception of my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle underwear.

Oh, the shame. ...

 

Good Lord. I feel much better about my ill-timed Old Faithful impersonation. I think I must be blessed because I can't recall a significantly humiliating defecation-related incident in all my years.

 

I once shit myself in a Friendly's in a mall. I left the restaurant without my underwear. But no one knew, so it wasn't embarrassing. I'll lend you one of my stories if you want, WI. I've got a few of them.

 

I had the runs so bad once I had to shit on the side of I-5 in Seattle, using the guard rail as a toilet seat and a snowball as toilet paper - all with a church van full of members of my youth group parked next to me and since it was on New Year's Eve, heavy, heavy traffic on I-5, including another van full of youngsters pulling over to check on us assuming our van had broken down only to shine their giant headlights onto me.

So, I sat in 27 degree weather, pants around ankles, abusing the guard rail and to top it off spotlighted for anyone and everyone driving down I-5 in glorious infancy of 1998 to see.

 

The ghost of Songbird haunts this thread.

 

Why?
Why would you tell anyone that? Even on an message board - why?

 

Maybe he's trying to make WI feel better about blowing quicker than BYH?

 

I really don't know why. And it's not like I was ordering my food, then sat in my mess for the duration of the meal, asking the people behind me, "Oh, what smells?" It was one one of those emergency situations where I just didn't make it to the bathroom before touching cotton.