Most embarrassing moment.

ZING! Double ZING!

 

OK, I'll play.

Second year into my journalism career. Get a call from Podunk-Galoob HS athletic director informing me that they're naming the basketball court after the retiring head coach.

I go to cover the game, and sure enough, there's a huge piece of paper covering up something on the wall next to said court.

I'm milling around before the game, shooting the shit with the head coach, when out of my mouth comes, "So, how does it feel to have a court named after you?"

To which he replied, "I wouldn't know."

Of course he didn't know. The announcement didn't come until halftime.

Shit.

 

At least you weren't shooting the shit with him, next to the paper covering the name, and accidentally tear it down exposing the new name to all.

 

this guy's most embarrassing moment: being named:

http://michiganstate.rivals.com/viewprospect.asp?pr_key=62642

 

Our high school has a tradition presumably made possible because it's small (graduating class of 1996 included 26 people) on its "senior day" of coming up with some embarrassing thing to read/act out in front of those in grades 7-12 during an assembly near graduation.

Mine, a former girlfriend (we later went on a few dates and made out) read a very embarrassing love letter I'd written her in the ninth grade. It was REALLY bad. She had it framed and everything, to present to me.

 

After a night of drinking during my senior year in high school we went to McDonald's -- really busy, tons of people -- it was the place to hang back then.

We were passing around a cigar, but my friends failed to tell me you aren't supposed to inhale cigar smoke. I got sick in McDonald's with a cop right outside the door. My friends dragged my sorry butt out of there so fast. Humiliating.

 

My story is not quite as disgusting as throwing up on someone, but rather gross anyways.

I was in junior high, and came to school with a really bad cold. I probably should have stayed home, but decided to gut it out. Early in the morning, I suddenly had to sneeze. I didn't have time to get my hankerchief out of my pocket, so I just covered my nose with my hands.

You can guess what happened after that.

 

This might not be the most embarrassing moment of my life. But when your life is a walking, talking punchline like mine, events seems to get lost in the mix. ...

Believe it or not, I wasn't the most popular of kids in middle school. I was among the "cool kids" in elementary school, a standout in baseball, an embarrassment on the basketball court and football field, but I had the right friends and said the right things -- and made fun of the right people. However, when sixth-grade classes from four elementary schools were dumped into the middle school, my friends remained popular, while I fell behind. Sure, I had the occasional one-liner in class and still stood out on the baseball field, but strapped with glasses, ridiculous clothes and a rock for a brain, my deck only had about 47 cards.

I toed the lower middle-class, so to speak, for the entire school year. The sixth-grade class -- about 150 kids -- had to go to this week-long camp to do some learning in the outdoors, at least I think that was the purpose of the trip. (It was probably to get rid of the kids for a week, giving our parents a much-needed vacation -- kind of like Kamp Krusty.) Well, being rather unpopular, as well as entirely too lazy, I failed to sign up for a cabin, so I was placed into one instead. That was the last thing I wanted, but it would have taken effort to pick my pen up and write down my name, and that certainly wasn't in the cards. I was put into the popular kids' cabin. I played baseball with one or two, but for the most part, I didn't interact with them -- or was it the other way around? So I was waiting for an uncomfortable week.

The first five days of that trip weren't too bad, actually. Of course, my bookbag with my boots managed to be the only one left behind in the school gym, but I got over that. I ended up getting along real well with the people in my cabin. I made fun of the people below me in status -- I think there were four people ... maybe five -- and told funny stories all week. Those guys went from not wanting me in their cabin to not wanting me to leave when an empty spot opened up later in the week; they told the other guy to leave instead. I was on a total high. Everything was going great. ...

And then it happened. The morning before we left, we all had breakfast, then came back to the cabin for a little bit before walking through the woods for one of our last lessons. We all headed for the door when I told the guys, "Yo, I'll meet up with you. I've got to take a leak." They left through the front and I went out of the back door and began to take aim at the biggest tree. While in mid-squirt with my back facing the cabin, one dude opened the door and yelled, "Hey, Mike. ..." Startled, I pulled up my Mets shorts as quickly as I could, but forgot to turn off the faucet. I turned around and said, "I'll be right out," and Tom must have seen the trail of urine down to my knees. He just had a shocked look on his face and shut the door. Ashamed, I finished pissing, changed my shorts and met the guys at the bridge. I don't think Tom told anyone, for which I was always thankful, but it was tough to look him in the eyes for the rest of the trip.

Needless to say, every time I watch my favorite movie, Billy Madison, and hear "If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis," I'm reminded of my failure.

 

FAT KID WITH LISP: LOOK EVERYBODY BILLY PEED HIS PANTS!

 

I was making out with this girl I had just started dating and I got a bloody nose. A little bit got on her face.

I'm not gonna lie...nothing kills the vibe more than a bloody nose in the middle of a make-out session.

And, uh, things didn't go too much longer after that.

 

I once had sex with a girl while she was on the last leg of her cycle. I pulled out because I saw a bit of red on my rod, then said, "I'm pretty sure you're not completely 'ready' yet." She said, "Oh, don't worry about it. It's not a problem."

Like hell it wasn't a problem. Don't get me wrong, I finished the job. But it was very unsettling.

 

Come on dude, it's extra lubricant.