Most bizarre song lyrics

Great Nick Lowe tune, even better line:

She was a winner. That became a doggie's dinner. She never meant that much to me. Whoa Poor Marie.

 

She's just 16 years old...leave her alone, they said

END OF SONG!!!!!

 

I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft
We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping
This is the land where the Pharaoh died

-- "Texas Radio and the Big Beat," by The Doors

 

"all i wanted was a pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me." (institutionalized)

 

Chaccaron, Maccaron.

 

Debbie Gibson is pregnant with my two
headed love child
It's a bigfoot baby all covered in fur now
Stark raving naked in the fornication nation

We were secretly married out in Las Vegas
at a little bitty chapel,
Joan Collins married us
rootin tootin, ain't high falutin'

Rick Astley is a pantywaist, match my butt with his face
He's teeny tiny two inches of terror, they're all gonna
scare you
Hairbrained cockamamie knuckleheaded idjit galoot

No truth to the rumor about Spuds and Debbie G--
only went to the motel, just to watch a little TV
Hate that dog, he must die

Saxophone solo

T-T-T-T-T-Tiffany, is wrestling in jello
Body slamming Debbie G, they're covered head
to toe
hard on, my hard on

Repeat first verse

I'm stark raving naked in the fornication nation
Stark raving naked in the fornication nation
Stark raving naked in the fornication..........nation.......!!

 

"i went to the doctor's office,
i said what have i got?
he said turn around, boy, and take this shot
i looked at him like he was crazy
and i said WHAT?!
ain't nobody stickin' nothin' in my butt!

 

Mojo Nixon is the fucking man. Interviewed him once and he was a fucking riot.

 

Courtesy of Zeke during one of my favorite nights here:

The Grumpty Grump

All right!
Stop whatcha postin'
'cause I'm about to coast in
and talk some shit about Tom Seaver.
I look funny
and I ain't makin' money see
so yo SportsJournalists.com I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I'll drink the bottle of Geritol you got on your shelf
So just let me introduce myself
My name is spnited, pronounced with the -ited
And, yo ladies, oh how I likes to go to bed.
And all the posters in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you're gonna fall when the reply button pumps me.
I like to whine,
I like my verbiage crusty,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.
I'm sick wit dis, straight old guy smack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I'll post about the Met pen until you say ick
hey yo Beej, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya Beej.
Look at me, I'm Old.
It never stopped me from gettin' told no.
I'm a freak
I like my girls with one foot in the tomb
I once edited copy in a Burger King bathroom
I'm crazy.
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I'm bitter but it just don't faze me.
I'm still hiking up my old man pants
and I even got my own dance

The Spnited Dance is your chance to do the grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, come on and do the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, just watch me do the Grumpty Grump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump

People say "Yo, Spnited, you're really cranky gramps'"
that's all right 'cause I own you whippersnaps'
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to confuse me
I still don't know what the cat pictures mean
I give 'em more, see, and on the board, BYH,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, posters, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause in 69 the Boys of Summer really tickled my rear.
My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a pica pole, I'm still not gettin' paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my prostate is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a screen name that don't mean nothin', like spnited
I post on the baseball thread,
and if you missed it.
I'm the one who said
"Johan Santana sucks hind tit."
Also told ya that I like to whine
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like early bird dinner time.
All ya had to do was give Grumpty a chance
and now I'm gonna do my dance.

The Spnited Dance is your chance to do the grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, come on and do the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, just watch me do the Grumpty Grump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump

Breakdown:
Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
Let me hear a little bit of that "new record' right here
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It's real easy to do--check it out

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like Willie Randolph waving to the pen
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like Aaron Heilman on crack, Grumpty
That's all right 'cause my old body's in motion
It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can post my name
This is my dance, y'all, Grumpty Grump's my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to have arthritis pains
Humpin', funkin', jumpin',
jig around, shakin' ya rump,
and when the Simon chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Grump.

The Spnited Dance is your chance to do the grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, come on and do the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, just watch me do the Grumpty Grump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump

Salary cap advocates, do the Grumpty Hump, do the Grumpty Grump
Flyover Fools, do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump
Springsteen fans, do the Grumpty Grump, just keep on doin' the Grump
Middle-aged divorcees, do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump
Let's get stoopid!

Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
Outro:
Once again, SportsJournalists.com is in the house
I'd like to send a shout out to Tahoe,
keep on doin' the Grumpty Dance,
and to the ladies,
peace and Grumpiness forever

 

There's a time to fuck and a time to crave,
But the Shah sleeps in Lee Harvey's Grave!
There's a time to shit and a time for God,
The last shit that I took was pretty fuckin' odd!
There's a time for drugs and a time to be sane,
Jimi Hendrix makes love to Marilyn's remains!
There's a time to live and a time to die,
I smoke Elvis Presley's toenails when I wanna get high!
There's a time to fuck and a time to crave,
But the Shah sleeps in Lee Harvey's Grave!
Yeah, I am the ultimate God!
Don't even think of looking with your naked eye, motherfucker.
SHUT UP!

 

I want to tell you a story
About a little man
If I can.
A gnome named Grimble Crumble.
And little gnomes stay in their homes.
Eating, sleeping, drinking their wine.

He wore a scarlet tunic,
A blue green hood,
It looked quite good.
He had a big adventure
Amidst the grass
Fresh air at last.
Wining, dining, biding his time.
And then one day - hooray!
Another way for gnomes to say
Oooooooooomray.

Look at the sky, look at the river
Isn't it good?
Look at the sky, look at the river
Isn't it good?
Winding, finding places to go.
And then one day - hooray!
Another way for gnomes to say
Oooooooooomray.
Ooooooooooooooomray.


or



Down, down. Down, down. The star is screaming.
Beneath the lies. Lie, lie. Tschay, tschay, tschay.
Careful, careful, careful with that axe, Eugene.

The stars are screaming loud.
Tsch.
Tsch.
Tsch.

 

I've got a bike
You can ride it if you like
It's got a basket
A bell that rings
And things to make it look good
I'd give it to you if I could
But I borrowed it

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I'll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I've got a cloak
It's a bit of a joke
There's a tear up the front
It's red and black
I've had it for months
If you think it could look good
Then I guess it should

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I'll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I know a mouse
And he hasn't got a house
I don't know why
I call him Gerald
He's getting rather old
But he's a good mouse

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I'll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I've got a clan of gingerbread men
Here a man
There a man
Lots of gingerbread men
Take a couple if you wish
They're on the dish

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I'll give you anything
Everything if you want things

I know a room full of musical tunes
Some rhyme
Some ching
Most of them are clockwork
Let's go into the other room and make them work