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Most bizarre song lyrics

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Chef, Aug 6, 2009.

  1. Chef

    Chef Active Member

    Just look at these lyrics.

    How goofy do you have to be, or just stoned out of your mind to write lyrics like these?

    Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
    and she shows it off to all her friends.
    One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
    So she caged him up with cyclone fence.
    Along came Lou with the old baboon
    And said "Recognize that smell?"
    "Smells like seven layers,
    That beaver eats Taco Bell."
    Now Rex he was a Texan out of New Orleans
    And he travelled with the carnival shows.
    He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
    And he candied up his nose.
    He got wind of the big brown beaver
    So he though he'd take himself a peek,
    But the beaver was quick
    And grabbed him by the kiwis.
    Now he ain't pissed for a week.
    (And a half!)
    Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
    And she stuck him up in the air.
    Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
    And I wish I did have a pair."
    Now the beaver onces slept for seven days
    And it gave us all an awful fright.
    So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
    And the bastard tried to bite me.
    Wynona loved her big brown beaver
    And she stroked him all the time.
    She pricked her finger one day and it
    Occurred to her she might have a porcupine.

    My favorite Primus song, bar none.
     
  2. YGBFKM

    YGBFKM Guest

    I bought Les Claypool's new album recently, and that guy just gets weirder and weirder. "Shake Hands With Beef" and "Groundhogs Day" are my favorite Primus jams.
     
  3. Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell

    Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell Active Member

    Yes, you have met the dangerous 208 year-old uncle of Dr. Octagon!
    I myself, Mr. Gerbik.
    half-shark, half-man
    skin like alligator, carrying a dead walrus.
    check it.

    With my white eyes, gray hair, face is sky-blue yellow
    Sideburns react, my skin is colored lilac
    My skin turn orange and green in the limousine
    People think Im mixed with shark, drinking gasoline
    Underwater I breathe with lizards on my sleeve
    Walking down Hollywood Boulevard with a credit card
    Three alligators behind me, feel my skin is hard
    Transvestites, and people watch space parasites
    I left his head in the store, legs in the street
    Body in Wilcox, with blood dripping off my feet
    LAPD through gray clouds couldnt see me
    I first turned rainbow, closed my eyes, watch my brain glow
    People got scared and ranned away they think Im weird
    I was born this way, halfsharkalligator
    Is he weird?

    Chorus:
    Half-shark-alligator-half-man
    Half man, half shark!
    Half-shark-alligator-half-man
    Half man, half shark!

    My vomit fluctuates, covers your skull like protoplasm
    Lightning bugs turn pink, on my tongue catches spasms
    Green elephants, I battle streets with a zebra
    My mechanism is more than Dionne's psychic voodoo
    African beads, snakeskins, cold script through you my medical passes
    You cant see with greedy glasses
    Carbon dioxide, pour right through em with gases
    My description dinosaur
    I was made half-shark-half-man, my skin is like razor blades
    Seven-oh-seven, Mr. Gerbik
    Verbally no one change my thoughts, animals fly from Philly
    My appetites more big, its time for wildebeasts
    Adjust my skulls, seven eyes switch hydraulic turtles
    and shrimps, mack gorillas like a pimp
    Half-shark-alligator-man

    Chorus 2x


    In my real world, orangutans dance for Thanksgiving
    With skeleton bones and skunk tails, is my mission
    Holding backward raps to all my power packs
    Babboons clap, and girl horses wanna hit the sack
    Were too bold for ocean water, monkeys sniffin ice
    Contact Jupiter pools Martians bring my rice
    Im out flyin with purple capes in the twilight
    Oooh ooh ooh, tonights the night
    My oxygen regions, New York to California
    Half shark alligator half man!

    Dr.Octagon - "halfsharkalligatorhalfman"
     
  4. Jesus_Muscatel

    Jesus_Muscatel Active Member

    Tryin' to pass for 18
    is a tough thing to do
    You can't make it at the disco
    When you're 42
    I'm lookin' for love
    Every disco in town
    My wig's gettin' shaky
    My truss is slippin' down

    My wig fell off!
    Don't step on it, out on the floor
    My pacemaker's busted
    My poly-grip don't hold no more

    These girls laugh
    at my fishnet shirt
    When they call me Grandpa
    that really hurts
    Looked in the mirror
    Didn't look 42
    All that shakin' and sweatin'
    Must have come unglued.

    My Wig Fell Off
    Hand my toupee to me
    I'm quittin' the disco
    I'm almost 43.

    Hey, look out buddy
    Get off my wig
    Oops I didn't realize
    You was quite so big
    Go ahead and keep it
    Keep my mood ring too
    Gimme back my dentures
    Or I'll have to use kung fu ...

    RIP Root Boy Slim (written with Ernie "Locker Room" Lancaster and "Rattlesnake Rattles," the late Bob Greenlee)
     
  5. spaceman

    spaceman Active Member

    Up on the hilltop where the vultures perch,
    That's where I'm gonna build my church,
    Ain't gonna be no priest, ain't gonna be no boss;
    Just Charles Nelson Reilly nailed to a cross.

    I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
    People shake their heads in disbelief.
    GO!

    Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
    In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl.
    I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
    People shake their heads in disbelief.

    Yeah, Charles Nelson Reilly, he's our man,
    He can't heal the sick with the touch of his hand,
    He can't walk on water, can't make wine flow;
    Just another greedy actor on the late late show!

    I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
    People shake their heads in disbelief.
    GO!

    Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
    In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl.
    I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
    People shake their heads in disbelief.

    "Serrated Edge," Dead Milkmen
     
  6. Bad Guy Zero

    Bad Guy Zero Active Member

    Dead Milkmen immediately came to mind for me as well. But I was thinking of "The Badger Song":

    Out in the woods
    Up to no good
    I wanna make friends with the badger

    The woodchuck likes me
    We smoke PCP
    I wanna make friends with the badger
    I mean it!
    I wanna make friends with the badger
    For real!
    I wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the badger

    Get drunk with owls
    Drop acid with cows
    I wanna make friends with the badger

    I'll stand on my head till I'm legally dead
    I wanna make friends with the badger
    From the heart
    I wanna make friends with the badger
    You know it
    I wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the badger

    I wanna make friends with the badger [x2]

    The badger's your friend!
    Make friends with the badger!
    [x4]
    The badger's your friend!
    I wanna make friends with the badger

    Climbing the trees
    Spreading disease
    I wanna make friends with the badger
    I wouldn't lie
    I wanna make friends with the badger
    He's my buddy
    I wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the badger

    I wanna make friends with the badger [x2]

    The badger's your friend!
    Make friends with the badger!
    [x3]
    The badger's your friend!
    Make love to the badger!
    The badger's your friend!
    I wanna make friends with the badger

    Smoking the leaves
    I do what I please
    I wanna make friends with the badger (BlbBlbBlb)
    I wanna make friends with the badger (AAAAHHHH!)
    I wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the
    Wanna make friends with the badger

    I wanna make friends with the badger
     
  7. Pick a Steely Dan album. Any album.

    Seriously, if you're on a long trip, pop in any song and try to figure out the lyrics. The only one I can possibly comprehend is "My Old School." Everything else is a let's-see-what-sentence-we-can-come-up-with-as-long-as-the-last-word-rhymes thing.

    Still, I love it.

    Anyway, here's my entry:

    I might be movin' to Montana soon
    Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up
    Waxen it down
    In a little white box
    I can sell uptown
    By myself I wouldn't
    Have no boss,
    But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
    Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
    Well I just might grow me some bees
    But I'd leave the sweet stuff
    For somebody else...
    but then, on the other hand
    I'd Keep the wax N' melt it down
    Pluck some Floss N' swish it aroun'
    I'd have me a crop
    An' it'd be on top

    (that's why I'M movin' to Montana)

    Movin' to Montana soon
    Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
    (yes I am)
    Movin' to Montana soon
    Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
    I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
    That's growin' on the prairie
    Pluckin' the floss!
    I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
    I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
    (His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
    He's a good hoss
    Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
    Blanket on anyway
    He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
    Blanket on anyway
    Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
    Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
    I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
    I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
    I'm gonna find me a horse
    Just about this big
    An' ride him all along the border line
    With a Pair of heavy-duty
    Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
    Every other wrangler would say
    I was mighty grand
    By myself I wouldn't
    Have no boss
    But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
    Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
    Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
    Well I might Ride along the border
    With my tweezers gleamin'
    In the moon-lighty night
    And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
    N' give my foot a push...
    Just me 'n the pymgy pony
    Over the Dennil Floss Bush
    N' then I might just Jumb back on
    An' ride Like a cowboy
    Into the dawn to Montana
    Movin' to Montana soon

    (Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

    Movin' to Montana soon
     
  8. albert77

    albert77 Well-Known Member

    Don't get much goofier than this:

    That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes,
    an aeroplane - Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
    Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn,
    world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
    Feed it off an aux speak,, grunt, no, strength,
    The ladder starts to clatter with fear fight down height.
    Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
    Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
    Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
    Look at that low playing!
    Fine, then.
    Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
    Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right - right.
    You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

    Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers.
    Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
    Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
    Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
    Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
    Watch your heel crush, crushed. Uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
    Renegade steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies.
    Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.
    (I feel fine)

    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

    The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line
    Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev. Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
    Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
    You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it.
    It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
    It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine...

    Great song regardless.
     
  9. YGBFKM

    YGBFKM Guest

    Was wondering when Frank would make an appearance.
     
  10. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

    "Then your friends will all go green for my lasagna." (Digsy's Dinner by Oasis)
     
  11. Jesus_Muscatel

    Jesus_Muscatel Active Member

    the absolute best, from Frank ....
     
  12. Chef

    Chef Active Member

    You may have to be stoned out of your mind to fully appreciate them, but Pink Floyd has some bizarre-o lyrics as well.
     
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